Category Archives: inspiration

Letters to Ethan & Ella – October 12, 2006

Posted in Infertility, inspiration, Steph, The Blessings, The Book by

Becoming a mother was a long, hard road for me.  After years of tears and prayers, God blessed me with a pregnancy – twins!  Little did I know that the pregnancy would be yet another opportunity to lean on God…

Nine Years Ago Today – October 12

October 12, 2006

Dear Ethan & Ella –

72 Days. I have been laying in a hospital bed for 72 days now on bed rest. I would stay for 72 more if it meant my babies would be born healthy. People keep asking me how I am doing this and I don’t understand. A mom would stand on her head for a hundred days if it meant she would help her babies. And that is what you are making me….a mom. I am finally going to be a mommy after years of waiting and I can’t wait!

You have been trying to speed up your arrival for the last few months. Thank God for the doctors who caught my contractions at my ultrasound appointment when I was only 21 weeks pregnant. I never even felt them. What would have happened if my appointment were even a day later? Would I have lost you? They have never stopped the contractions, but the doctors have slowed them down so you have time to grow and develop.  I thank God for watching over us. Do you know that you literally have hundreds of people who are praying for you? Their prayers are what are giving me the strength to make it another day.

I kind of feel like I am stuck in the movie “Groundhog Day.”   (It is hilarious. Don’t worry – we will watch it together when you are old enough!) I feel like I am reliving the same day over and over. I wake up. Order my breakfast from the cafeteria (blueberry muffin, cheerios, sweet acidophilis milk – which we affectionately call my sweet ass milk ;). Pee. Lie and wait for my breakfast while I watch The Today Show. Pray. Sit Up. HOORAY!! Eat. Lie back down. Wait for my morning nurse to give meds. Drink water. Pee. Nurse comes gives me meds in my IV. Shift to my other side. Drink water. Pee. Finally the doctor comes to round on me. Tells me the same thing as the day before. “Every day we keep them in you, is four days less in the NICU!!” Pray. Then the best 10 minutes of my day – SHOWER!!! Lie down. Drink Water. Watch Talk of the Town. Order lunch. Pee. Drink. Shift positions. Sit Up. Hooray!!! Eat. Lie back down. Crap. Gotta pee again. Get hooked up for my daily monitoring. Shift and try to get comfortable with all the cords. Stare at the contraction monitor and wonder why I can’t feel any of them. Pray. Shift. Count the flowers on the wallpaper. Drift off to sleep. Wake up when the nurse comes to turn off the monitor. Pee. Drink Water. Pray. Watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” in Spanish because I am that desperate for entertainment. Drink water. Shift. Stare at the clock. Daddy’s here with supper!!!! Pee. Sit up!! Eat yummy take-out. Lie down. Pee. Watch TV with Daddy. Shift. Pray. Watch Daddy make his fold out bed next to me like he does every night. Drink water. Take my Ambien. Pee. And fall into a peaceful sleep.  Every.  Day.

Ethan and Ella UltrasoundEvery few days I get a real treat. I get to have an ultrasound and see you. All day, every day I have my hands on my belly talking to you and singing to you. I love the opportunity to actually see your little fingers and toes. Sometimes I promise it is like you are looking right at me. I can’t wait to finally hold you in my arms. But for now, Mommy is doing her best to keep you in her belly as long as I can so you can be healthy when I get to hold you.

Every day = 4 less in the NICU.  Every day = 4 less in the NICU.

All my love,

Mommy

Thanksgiving in October

Posted in Infertility, inspiration, Steph, The Blessings, The Book by

Burlap BlessingsOur family starts celebrating Thanksgiving early….like in October 😉 As an infertile couple that have been blessed with three babies that celebrate October birthdays, we have A LOT to be thankful for.

My youngest, Matthew, celebrated his 7th bday on Monday. Next Saturday my twins, celebrate their 9th birthday. My pregnancy with the twins was high risk, with a lot of drama that ended with me going into labor at 21 weeks. I spent 11 weeks and 5 days on bed rest in the hospital before I gave birth.

Next week on my blog, I will share some of the letters that I wrote to my sweet babies as I anxiously awaited their arrival. On their birthday, October 17th, I will share an excerpt from my book “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived Infertility … Twice” about their miraculous birth.

It was one of the most difficult times in my life, but God gave me the strength to be the Mama that He knew I would one day be. So much to be Thankful for!

Photo cred to my amazing sis and her business Burlap Blessings​ Check her out on Facebook!

That One Time When I Almost Lost it Over Rainbow Spaghetti…

Posted in inspiration, Steph, The Blessings by

I now know what the term “Running on Empty” means.

That is what I felt on Monday afternoon sitting in my car waiting to pick up my kids from school. I had been running non-stop for a week. Fundraising. Fall Fest. Matthew’s 7th bday. Planning for a birthday party at my house for all three kids in less than a week. (Whose idiotic idea was that??) Preparing for a speech that I was going to give at a local MOPS group.

rainbow spaghettiI knew God had control of it all. However, my human nature was freaking out, and I knew that the Devil was ready to pounce. When I got home I really wanted nothing more than to lock myself in my room and just have a good old fashioned crying jag to rinse away all these negative thoughts in my head. There was no time on the schedule for that though. I had three kids to help with their homework. I also had a special dinner of “Rainbow Spaghetti” planned for my birthday boy. I kept praying to God to help me get control and not let Satan pull me down.

As I pulled into my house a flood of relief washed over me when I saw my husband’s big, black truck parked in the drive. He never gets home until right before the kids go to bed. The kids were out of their minds with excitement to see him home. He is like a Rock Star every time he walks in the house… “Daddy!! Daddy!!” they always chant while pulling at his pant legs 😉 I was so happy to see him that I didn’t even feel slighted that I never get that kind of a reception.

After the Daddy Love pep rally, I immediately started with homework and dinner. I started water to boil on every one of my stove’s burners to make the special Rainbow Spaghetti. I was getting all my ingredients out while simultaneously giving my first of three spelling quizzes when I felt a hand on the small of my back. “Sweetheart, let me take over. Go take a break.”

Wow. Just wow. If I were not already completely over the moon in love with my insanely wonderful husband, this would have pushed me over the edge. And God. Just God. Talk about ask and you shall receive! That simple gesture was all I need to get me grounded and focused again. He heard my prayer and answered immediately. God’s got this.

The next morning I had a nice, long prayer during my morning run. I praised God for blessing me with such a caring husband. I thanked Him for inspiring Eric to take a load off my shoulders. He had a very long day and I am sure he would have loved nothing more than to sit in his recliner with Sports Center.

In a still, small voice I heard God say to me, “Stephanie, that is what you do for him every day. Of course he wants a chance to take a load off your shoulders.”

How amazing is that? God not only met my immediate need by providing some extra help when I needed it, but He also encouraged me as a mother. He reminded me how important my role is to my husband. Eric works tremendously hard be the strong leader and provide for our family. My cleaning the house, doing the laundry, preparing the meals, and all the gazillion other little things I do are things that he never has to worry about because I take them off his plate daily.

Thanks God for the answered prayer and Mama Pep Talk!

“I’m Gonna Need You To STEP AWAY from Pinterest” – God

Posted in inspiration, Pinterest Projects, Steph by

Southern Lady-2

I got this little note from God last night. I was trolling Pinterest for decorations for my kids’ birthday party this weekend. I was literally having heart palpitations trying to figure out how I could make all these stinkin, cute decorations while juggling everything else on my plate.

“Steph, I’m gonna need you to step away from Pinterest. Now. Nope. Don’t pin that. SHUT IT DOWN.”

So I did. Instead I went to Party City this morning and dropped some change on some kinda cute, definitely tacky decorations. (The tackier the better to 7 & 9 year olds, right?)

And my kids probably won’t even realize that we even had decorations at all. They will, however, enjoy a mama who is able to sit on the couch and just snuggle. A mama who isn’t snapping at them because she has over scheduled herself.

Thanks God for letting me off the hook 🙂

A Miracle High

Posted in Infertility, inspiration, Steph by

Life can be a series of highs and lows.  My life has certainly been a testament to that.  Met and married my wonderful husband Eric – High.  Tried to conceive for a couple of years, failed fertility treatments, surgery – Low.  Successfully got pregnant through IVF – HUGE High!  High risk pregnancy that left me on bed rest for what felt like most of my pregnancy – Low.  Delivering premature but healthy twins – High/Low.  Five weeks and one day of being separated from them in the NICU – Low.

I could go on and on.  I want to share with you one of my favorite Highs.  He is my little Miracle High.  Eric and I were told that there was absolutely no way that we could conceive naturally.  For that reason we went through IVF to conceive Ethan and Ella.  I have no doubt that it was, indeed, a fact.  As I said this is a Miracle High.

January 2008

I woke up just like the day before. I had no idea that this morning would change all of our lives so much! Eric was getting ready for work and I was lying in bed watching Sports Center (his choice, not mine). I remembered that I needed to call in a prescription that day. Before I could get it, I had to take a pregnancy test.  My cycle was running way too long and I needed to get on progesterone to get me back on track.  I always thought this was a funny thing for me, of all people, to have to do.  I mean, we know I can’t get pregnant.  On top of that, I went back on birth control after I had Ethan and Ella.  I was simply taking it for convenience sake. Eric and I often laughed about what money we wasted on all those birth control pills early in our marriage.  So off I went to pee on my little stick. I unloaded the dishwasher, sat down, and watched TV for a minute. Should I get the kids up? Oh no wait…better go check the test and get that out of the way.

I walked into the guest bath and looked at the test on the sink. Double take…were those TWO lines? Huh? I must be seeing things. I heard Eric say something so I threw the hand towel over the test and jumped back in bed. Eric said, “Why do you look so weird?” I was still in shock so I said, “Just tired.” He went back to the closet to finish getting dressed and I ran back to the bathroom for a second look. Yes. Definitely two lines. How did this happen??? I mean I know how it happens for most, but not us! We were told that we couldn’t get pregnant on our own. Holy cow. Eric’s birthday was the next day. Boy, could I have fun with this!!! I ran upstairs to get the babies up and whispered my secret in their tiny ears.  I was pretty sure they smiled.

Thankfully Eric left shortly after that. I am told later that I am in MAJOR trouble for letting him go to work because he would have called in sick. Whoops. I quickly called my mom, my sister, and Kristen. Kristen, my personal OB nurse, reassured me that the home tests are pretty accurate. Even so, I had my mom come over so I could get an official blood test at the doctor’s office. I still didn’t believe it. I went and looked at the home test again.  Still two lines!  When I called Dr. Blake’s office to get the test they acted like I was crazy. “Mrs. Greer, we usually don’t do blood tests if you have a positive home test.” I replied, “I know, but I don’t believe it. When can I come in?” I went in immediately, got my blood drawn, and paid to have the results to me stat.

I cried and prayed on the whole way home from the doctor’s office. I was smiling ear to ear and laughing as I praised God. I am sure anyone who passed by me on the road thought I was crazy. And I was. Crazy happy. I couldn’t believe God’s blessing on us. How could this be? It took so much for us to get pregnant with Ethan and Ella. Nothing had changed with us. We were still infertile. I mean, I was on BIRTH CONTROL too! This was really a miracle straight from above.

All day I avoided calls from Eric and his sister, Amy. How in the world could I play this one off? I couldn’t even sit down I was so excited! I finally got the “official positive” test results from the doctor. Hallelujah! Praise God!! I checked the home test one more time and finally threw it in the trash.

Now how in the world would I give Eric the total shock of his lifetime??? The way we found out we were pregnant with Ethan and Ella was so impersonal.  We called into a voicemail box and listened to a stranger tell us the good news.  Not that we minded one bit.  We were finally pregnant!!

Big Brother and Big SisterI decided I would get the kids Big Brother and Big Sister t-shirts, take their pictures in it, frame it, and give it to Eric for his birthday. Well I am not sure how many of you have tried to get a 16-month old kid to stand still so you can get a good picture of him.  Now throw in a second child.  It isn’t possible. Just take it from me. So I decided the next best thing was to just wrap up the shirts and let Eric open those.

We waited on pins and needles until Eric got home. Of course since we were anxiously awaiting him, he didn’t get home until after 7. After the kids’ bath, Eric read them a story, and then they just had to give their Daddy an early birthday present.

I turned the camera off right after I told him so we could all snuggles.  There were lots of happy tears  all around.  I was told later that Eric was thinking “Why in the world did she give me some shirts for the kids for my birthday?” Apparently what I thought was pretty plain isn’t plain to a man.

Am I Worthy of Redeeming Love?

Posted in Infertility, inspiration, SLM - The Collective, Steph, The Book by

Am I Worthy of Redeeming LoveA woman in her 30s that battled infertility for years who cried herself to sleep wondering if she would ever have a baby in her womb. 

A girl of barely 20, unmarried and pregnant who cried herself to sleep wondering how she could care for the baby growing in her womb.

Two strong women and one unlikely friendship.  

But God…God knew that these two women from opposite sides of the motherhood journey could grow to be close friends and gain a wealth of compassion.

I am so honored to have my friend, Courtney, guest post for me today.  I met Courtney a few years ago when I was a preschool teacher.  We started at the preschool at the same time.  She is such a sweet girl with a beautiful heart, and we became fast friends in spite of our 15-year age difference.  I about died when I found out that I was starting my freshmen year of college when she was starting kindergarten.  Talk about feeling old!!

By the time I met Courtney, God had blessed me with children, but I was getting ready to go through IVF again with my totsicles.  I am so blessed that Courtney was brought into my life for a fresh reminder that every single life that God conceives is an absolute blessing.  Whether it is planned, unplanned, or through fertility treatments.  Every.  One.  When I was in the thick of the infertility struggle hearing about an unplanned pregnancy was devastating to me.  Now I have the benefit of Courtney’s friendship and my 20/20 rearview mirror clarity to have a clearer perspective on God’s plan.  God’s plan is always perfect even if it “messes up” our plan…

Every mother has the day she found out she was pregnant etched into her memory. Some, like Steph, had a hard, long journey to get there. I’m sure that day she, as well as many others, felt joy, excitement, and pure happiness. I can only imagine that she felt some type of redemption. This one test was her redemption that made every single obstacle worth it.

My story of redemption began the day I found out I was going to be a mom. The day that I found out I was going to be a mom was an incredibly hard day. It breaks my heart to say joy, excitement and happiness were not any of the emotions I felt at the time. I was barely twenty, had an incredibly rough past and wanted a new start that year. Charlie, my now husband, and I both sobbed while holding the “positive” test in our hands. I’m not exaggerating when I say I took eight of them before I actually believed I was indeed pregnant. We were devastated, scared and simply broken. In the whirlwind of emotions that we were experiencing, not a single one of them was joy.

Although Charlie and I knew long before this pregnancy test that we were going to get married one day, getting pregnant now, was not a part of our plan. We saw our future together from the beginning, but we had so many things we wanted to do. I lined up a new summer job, and an amazing mission trip opportunity to finally go to Africa was in the works. My heart was in Africa, I felt so called to the orphans and babies there, I wanted to be Jesus to them. I wanted to love on some babies, not have one of my own! Yes, it is possible to be a follower of Christ and still mess up. I missed the mark big this time…but God.

You see in the midst of the hurt, in the midst of telling our parents and fearing the wrath of God through them God gave us such grace. Our parents gave us such grace. Was there disappointment? Did it hurt more than words to tell my parents that their first grandbaby wasn’t conceived in wedlock? Was I tormented with the shame every time I saw someone that found out? Yes, yes and yes! I lived in Small Town, USA and everyone knew everyone and everyone’s personal business. I knew it wouldn’t be long before people figured out why we got engaged so quickly and why we planned a wedding so fast.

Charlie and I didn’t get married because I was pregnant. I loved him with all of my heart, and I knew this was the man God had for me to marry. This pregnancy just sped up the timeline. Did I have the wedding of my dreams? Nope. I certainly didn’t feel worthy of wearing white or worthy of my dad walking me down the aisle, but that didn’t stop him. That my friends, is unconditional love. That is redeeming love. The kind that draws a dad, who isn’t one to stand out in front of a crowd, to stop in the middle of a choir special in a Southern Baptist church and walk off stage in front of 500 people. He walked down the middle aisle to sit with his broken baby girl who was alone and broken. The fear that he faced didn’t stop him from holding on to me as I sobbed while they finished singing “Through the Fire.” He refused to let me be alone in my own brokenness. The whispers of everyone in the room wondering what was going on or the ones who knew and looked at us with such judgment, they were not stopping my dad from getting to me. I dare say that’s the kind of love that Jesus has for us.

I fought with depression during the pregnancy and after my sweet Anna Claire was born…But God.  Even though there was so much hurt and brokenness that took a great deal of time to heal, I never looked at her as a mistake. I never blamed her. I never felt like she wrecked my dreams. Jesus was there through it all; he never left me. He never left us. Our plans were derailed, but God took our brokenness and began shaping way more than we could imagine. Our precious Anna Claire was a living, breathing version of God’s redeeming love. True beauty from our ashes. The second year of marriage brought another positive pregnancy test, and another round of hurting, anxiety and fear. This time the process wasn’t as hard to swallow, but we had no idea how the heck we were going to afford another baby. We were barely doing it then…but God. He never left us.

Honestly, I wondered if I would ever be able to have joy finding out I was pregnant. I met Stephanie at our preschool, and I was blown away by her juggling 3 kids and working part time. I was struggling with a 2 year old and being pregnant again. I only spent a few days in the classroom with her, but I loved every moment. I felt so much compassion from her every time I nearly broke down talking about our situation. She even recommended I read one of the best books I’ve ever had my hands on, Unglued by Lisa Terkhuerst. God used her and that book to speak volumes. I didn’t know about her infertility struggles right off the bat, but once I did I felt the surge of guilt all over again. My own insecurities ruled my heart instead of God’s redeeming love.

The next school year God placed Anna Claire in Stephanie’s class. I wasn’t returning because over the summer I had my spunky Cailey and was on maternity leave. I had no idea that Steph was going through her final battle of infertility while Anna Claire was in her class. I only knew that once again I was fighting some major demons of Postpartum Depression. I had nothing in me to love on my girls or anyone around me. I felt so alone, empty, and worthless. I didn’t speak a word of this to a soul. All I knew is that every Tuesday and Thursday Anna Claire would light up to see Ms. Stephanie, and her love radiated from her every single time. Even though I didn’t realize it, God was using Anna Claire to love Ms. Stephanie unconditionally while she was fighting for her own baby. God broke down some major walls Stephanie and I built up. They all came down with redeeming love, long before we even realized it.

Courtney & Charlie :)

Courtney & Charlie 🙂

My Anna Claire is almost five now, Cailey is 2, and Stephanie loves on them every time she gets a chance. I never planned to have baby at 20, or at 23 but God’s plan is always better than we could even imagine. Charlie and I have been married for over 5 years now and can say that we are more in love and in tune with God than ever before. All because of redeeming love.

How can you allow God to use redeeming love to break down some walls in your own heart? My hope is that one day I will be able to look down at a pregnancy test and see a positive and feel never ending, undeniable JOY. I have no doubt that one day redeeming love will win, and I won’t have any negative or shameful emotions.

How You Can Kick MOMMY GUILT For Good!

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How to Kick Mommy Guilt“Be joyful always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16 – 18

You remember the old song… “I’ve got the Joy, Joy, Joy, Joy Down in my Heart. Where? Down in my Heart. Where? Down in my Heart.”

Be joyful always, 1 Thessalonias tell us. Was this directed to a mother of three?? Well if that isn’t a tall order, I don’t know what is!!

Several years ago we used to call the hours from 5 – 7 pm the witching hours in our house. It started when my youngest son, Matthew, had colic and he would WAIL constantly for hours upon hours each night. Now it is because Mommy straight up turns into a witch. It is the last few hours of my day and I am running on fumes…which is incredibly cruel because it is when I have the most to do and the least amount of energy to do it. My sweet little cherub children decide that their good behavior quota has been all used up at school. It starts with what my husband, Eric, calls my “crazy eyes.” If they are smart, they catch my crazy eyes and immediately retreat to their rooms. If not…and let’s be honest, they rarely do because they were too busy being crazy … if not, I quiet literally blow my top. And I realize that is completely hypocritical to be screaming at them to quit yelling! I am most certainly not full of Joy. Almost immediately a cloud of shame engulfs me.

We’ve all had it. It is a natural byproduct of becoming a mother. Kind of like stretch marks. Mommy Guilt. It can stick around and be just as permanent and shaming as those old stretch marks. Whether it is because we lose our cool with our kids or we feel guilty because we can’t go on their school field trip. Maybe we spend too much time trolling on Pinterest. Why can’t I transform my backyard into Arendelle for Ella’s Frozen party?? Oh look at these fun, nutritious lunch boxes! I totally should be making animals out of the 100% organic lunch so that my kids will have FUN eating their healthy, non-prepackaged lunch!

We can blame it on Pinterest, social media or society in general. That may be how it reaches us, but in reality, Satan is the author of Mommy Guilt. He has made it his mission to rob mothers of the JOY that God blesses us with in motherhood. He is a sneaky little devil. He makes us beat ourselves up for impossibly high standards that we set upon ourselves.   I don’t know a single perfect mother, yet I often beat myself up for not being one.

Well, when I was looking up the exact lyrics to “I’ve Got Joy in My Heart” on the internet, I found another verse. “If the Devil doesn’t like it then he can sit on a tack. Ouch. Sit on a tack. Ouch. Sit on a tack.” Pretty feisty, but I love it! Why do I give Satan that kind of a foothold in my life? When I think about it that way, it makes me adamant to not let him take one second of my God given Joy of motherhood. Does that give me a free pass to turn into the Wicked Witch of the West every night? Absolutely not. But it does allow me to forgive myself for my shortcomings. Then it gives me an opportunity to apologize to my children and teach about forgiveness.

I am slowly learning to embrace what talents God has blessed me with and to not sweat the areas where I am lacking. The fact that I had no less than five people contact me about my go to meal – Kraft Macaroni and Cheese – changing their recipe may be an indication that I am lacking in the cooking department. And you know what? That is OK! I make sure that my kids get the nutrition that they need aside from the cheese powder! I am not going to spend time beating myself up because I am not the Pioneer Woman. Besides think of it this way – I am giving my children wonderful ammo to torture me with at the dinner table when they reminisce about their childhood. Those are the times that my family laughs the hardest at the holidays J

Instead, I will pray without ceasing. Some days it will be filled with thanksgiving for the blessing that God has given me. Some days it will be to just have enough patience to make it to bedtime. If I keep my eyes on Him as I parent the children that God blessed me with, then I will have JOY in my heart.

How I Got SCHOOLED in Dodgeball

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How I Got SCHOOLED in DodgeballMonday night I hit “Publish” on my latest blog post.

“Whew, “ I thought, “Don’t have to worry about that for a few days.”

But I have nothing in my pipeline to write this week. “Oh Lord please give me some inspiration!”

So He hit me in the face with a big, red kickball…

*********

Yesterday afternoon was gorgeous. We were enjoying a beautiful Indian Summer day in Tennessee. The kids all worked hard on their homework. Books – Read. Math – Common Cored. North Eastern States – labeled…kinda.  Now it was time for some fun outside.

I was showing off my bball skillz. Let me be clear. I am 5’2” on a very good day. My three sweet, beautiful children haven’t quite… shall we say…grown into their feet 😉 So showing off my basketball abilities was pretty much dribbling and walking at the same time. And they think I rock. 

I was getting ready to show off my awesome chest pass to Ella, when I hear, “DODGEBALL!!” from Ethan right before I get nailed in the face with our red kickball. I mean NAILED. Completely Marsha Bradyed. Tears poured down my face. I saw stars. I was pretty sure my nose was oozing blood. The pain was instant and completely unexpected.

I looked at the 3 Greer kids and they all had identical “Oh sh*t!!” expressions on their face. I am pretty sure I saw a squirrel with the same expression. The birds quit chirping. There was absolute silence on our street. Everyone knew it was about to go down for real in the driveway.

I narrowed my crazy eyes on Ethan and said between clinched teeth, “Get. Your. Bottom. Up. Stairs. NOW!!!!” I am not a cusser at all, but it took every last restraint in me to not pull out the A double S. I did, however, certainly emphasize the two syllables of bot-tom.

His eyes turned frantic, “But Mama…But Mama…But Mama…” he kept stuttering. “I said Dodgeball!!”

“That doesn’t mean you can tattoo me in the face with the DODGEBALL!!!! We are playing Basketball!!!” I cried.

“But Mama…But Mama…But Mama..” he started again.

“Now!!!” I roared. “Get up in your room and don’t come out until I come in there!!”

He scurried up the steps with his proverbial tail between his legs. Ella and Matthew slowly backed away from me to get out of the line of fire. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes and nose then calmly said, “I am ok, guys. Don’t worry.”

I took a deep breath and wiggled my nose to make sure it wasn’t broken. I went straight to the bathroom to assess the damage. My face was tear streaked and bright red. I wasn’t sure if it was from being hit, being mad, or if was just a transfer of the red paint from the ball! I leaned in to see if there were the tiny swirls imprinted on my face from the kickball. Deep breath. Deep breath.

Ethan was in his room with the door closed. I had to take a minute to get my cool. Deep breath. Pray for patience and a clear head. Deep breath. Check the chicken in the crockpot. Deep breath. Check the rice. Deep Breath. Deep breath.

I walked to Ethan’s room, let myself in, and my heart melted.

He sat on his bed in the Lotus position. His little hands clasped tight in front of his face with tears streaming from his closed eyes.

I insisted on the kiss; Ethan insisted on the cartoon bubble :)

I insisted on the kiss; Ethan insisted on the cartoon bubble 🙂

I rushed to him, gathered him up in my arms, told him that I forgave him, and showered him with hugs and kisses. I asked for his forgiveness for laying into him, and he gave it to me immediately.

How lucky are we that we have a God that forgives immediately. He doesn’t have to take His time and get His cool. He doesn’t have to take deep breaths….repeatedly. He doesn’t have to see us broken to forgive us. He just forgives because He loves us so much.  And once He forgives us, it is gone.  No “Remember that time you hit your mom in the face with the ball??”  Or no, “Stephanie, remember that time you completely lost your cool and yelled at your son when he made a mistake?”  All is forgiven.  Instantly.  And forgotten.  Thank you, Jesus.

“And I will be merciful to them in their wrongdoings, and I will remember their sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12 (TLB)

Why I am “just” a Volunteer

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Why I am "just" a VOLUNTEERGive me a       V……. V!

Give me an     O…….O!

Give me a       L …….L!

Give me a       S …….S!

What you got?           VOLS?

Say it again!               VOLS!!

LOUDER!!                   VOLS!!!

How many times did I chant that as I was a student at the University of Tennessee? A Gazillion. And it still gives me goose bumps. This is Matthew’s favorite cheer because he “cannot even begin to spell Tennessee!”

I say it is great to be a Tennessee Vol!

I became a Tennessee Volunteer when I started my freshman year in 1995. I became an Elementary Volunteer several years later when my kids started Kindergarten.

I admit at first it was because I couldn’t let go of them. Just being in their school helped me feel closer because I just missed the little boogers. Very quickly it turned into so much more.

Here are the top 6 reasons, I volunteer at my kids’ school:

  1. The schools need us. I am fortunate to be part of a wonderful, top-notch school system. Still…I get overwhelmed with my three kids…and I only have them for a few hours before bed. Why would I not expect a teacher with 20 or so kids all day need some help from time to time?
  1. Volunteering gives me an outlet to express one of my primary Love Languages: Acts of Service. I absolutely love to help people. And if I can reciprocate to those who devote their life to helping my children…I am in Heaven. What a blessing to be able to do!
  1. I get to know the teachers and staff at the kids’ school. These wonderful people spend more of my kids’ waking hours with them than I do! I want to be acquainted with them. I want them to know they can count on me to partner with them to help make the kids’ education the best that it can be. Or they can just count on me to spoil them with snacks when they have a long, hard day 😉
  1. I meet the kids’ new friends that I heard so much about at the dinner table. With school and after school activities, play dates are quickly becoming a thing of the past. How else can I meet Sally or Johnny?
  1. And just as important, I got to know their mamas. I have kindled new friendships while at the same time getting to know the parents who will be spending a great deal of time with my kids for years to come. If your kids are going over to someone’s house, you want to feel comfortable with the parents!
  1. For now…and who knows how long it will last…they want me there. I am absolutely savoring every moment. They are excited when I get to pop into the cafeteria or they bump into me in the library. Sometimes I get a sly, “I’m trying to be cool” smile and sometimes I am almost knocked down with a bear hug. All the time, though, it is a blessing. I got to read to Ethan’s 3rd grade class on Friday. They hung on every word as I read “The Wizard of Oz.” How many more opportunities will I have to do this? Not many. Savoring. Every. One.

I know volunteering in our children’s school isn’t something that everyone is able to or even may want to do. And that is okay. We need to recognize that we all have different circumstances, abilities and desires. Every one of us serves our own very important role in our children’s lives. We need strong, Christian women in the classrooms teaching our kids. We need strong, Christian women in the boardroom being a positive influence in Corporate America. We need strong, Christian women taking care of us in the doctor’s offices. These are women that my daughter can look up to and say, “I can be a CEO or a doctor if I work hard because I see Joy’s mama did it!”

I had a hard time when I was faced with the decision about continuing to teach or taking time off so that I could focus on my family and writing. I struggled with whether it was ok for me to quit working and “just volunteer.” The bottom line was that God put the desire in my heart and the circumstances that allowed me to volunteer…to serve in my children’s school. And there is nothing “just” about that.

I said, “It’s great to be an Elementary Vol!!”

How Over Scheduling Can Make You Miss Your APPOINTment

Posted in inspiration, Steph, The Blessings by

SLMI started the day the same way I always do with a nice, brisk 3.5 mile walk. Just me, my iPod, and my God. As I walk I pray over my family and day. I end each prayer with “Lord, help me make good choices with my time. Make this your day, Lord.”

You see, since I quit teaching last year to focus on my writing, I have become very cognizant of how I spend my time. Call it responsible or call it stay at home mom guilt. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Either way I am really trying to make a conscious effort of being a good steward of my time.

This actually fits quite nicely with my Type A personality. Eric calls it crazy. I call it very organized. I have my iCal organized to perfection with seven different color-coded calendars. It helps me know where I need to be and what I need to accomplish during my day.

This particular day was packed to the gills. I had a lot to do while the kids were at school, and my parents were coming over for dinner that night. I was ready to strap on my roller skates and hit that to-do list from drop off to pick up like a BOSS. I got my three kids loaded up to head to school. We were on a roll… no fighting for the second day in a row on the 5-minute ride to school…Holla!

Just as the alarm rang for the kids to hop out of the car, my oldest son asked, “Mama, can you come eat lunch with me today?” I was surprised. Ethan never asked me to come eat with him anymore. In fact, the last time I ate with him at school, he practically ignored me the whole time as he chatted with his friends. My feelings weren’t hurt. Those kids work hard all day and are excited to just get to visit with their friends as they shove lunch in their mouths. That was their time. Feeling as if I was almost intruding on their friend time, I hadn’t made it a big priority to go eat lunch with them at school this year.

calendarI glanced from his big, beautiful brown eyes to my full iCal with a little bit of panic. “Oh no! Oh no! I don’t have this on the schedule. I haven’t even showered yet today!” I thought frantically. Oh, but those eyes! And I remembered what I prayed…Lord, help me make good choices with my time. How could I choose anything over spending some time with my baby when he asks? “I’ll make it work, Buddy,” I said as I kissed his cheek. He beamed at me and jumped out of the car.

Skates strapped on, I raced to accomplish as much as I could before lunchtime. I squeezed in a shower and put on clean workout clothes…because the hair and make-up bar is automatically set lower if you are sporting workout clothes 😉 I sat at the lunch table in a rowdy cafeteria with my three kids and three of their friends. I celebrated with Ella about the test she was sure she aced. I encourage Ethan and his friend about the test they were going to take after lunch. Matthew and his friend caught me up on the gossip of first grade. And it was wonderful. The best part was getting to give them each a hug before they left. Maybe they needed that extra bit of affection in the midst of the day. I know I did. I left the cafeteria knowing I made the right decision. I was able to finish everything I wanted to accomplish that day and even got to make some cookies that weren’t even on the agenda!

How often do we schedule ourselves so much that we miss out on the little things that really are the big things? The school lunches with our kids. The walk with a friend. Just being available to sit and talk to someone who needs a friend. Or just not feeling like a zombie by the time you lay your kids down, so you can actually stay awake to spend time with your husband??

I think my goal of being a good steward of my time is a positive goal. Being able to stay home is a gift that I never want to take for granted. However, I need to remember to keep my ears open and listen to God as He directs my day. It’s what I prayed for after all, isn’t it? Praying for His day then filling it with all My plans makes me miss God’s APPOINTment.

I am a work in progress. I am far from being “fly by the seat of my pants,” but I am at least leaving room in my schedule to attempt to be spontaneous 😉