Becoming a mother was a long, hard road for me.  After years of tears and prayers, God blessed me with a pregnancy – twins!  Little did I know that the pregnancy would be yet another opportunity to lean on God…

Nine Years Ago Today – October 12

October 12, 2006

Dear Ethan & Ella –

72 Days. I have been laying in a hospital bed for 72 days now on bed rest. I would stay for 72 more if it meant my babies would be born healthy. People keep asking me how I am doing this and I don’t understand. A mom would stand on her head for a hundred days if it meant she would help her babies. And that is what you are making me….a mom. I am finally going to be a mommy after years of waiting and I can’t wait!

You have been trying to speed up your arrival for the last few months. Thank God for the doctors who caught my contractions at my ultrasound appointment when I was only 21 weeks pregnant. I never even felt them. What would have happened if my appointment were even a day later? Would I have lost you? They have never stopped the contractions, but the doctors have slowed them down so you have time to grow and develop.  I thank God for watching over us. Do you know that you literally have hundreds of people who are praying for you? Their prayers are what are giving me the strength to make it another day.

I kind of feel like I am stuck in the movie “Groundhog Day.”   (It is hilarious. Don’t worry – we will watch it together when you are old enough!) I feel like I am reliving the same day over and over. I wake up. Order my breakfast from the cafeteria (blueberry muffin, cheerios, sweet acidophilis milk – which we affectionately call my sweet ass milk ;). Pee. Lie and wait for my breakfast while I watch The Today Show. Pray. Sit Up. HOORAY!! Eat. Lie back down. Wait for my morning nurse to give meds. Drink water. Pee. Nurse comes gives me meds in my IV. Shift to my other side. Drink water. Pee. Finally the doctor comes to round on me. Tells me the same thing as the day before. “Every day we keep them in you, is four days less in the NICU!!” Pray. Then the best 10 minutes of my day – SHOWER!!! Lie down. Drink Water. Watch Talk of the Town. Order lunch. Pee. Drink. Shift positions. Sit Up. Hooray!!! Eat. Lie back down. Crap. Gotta pee again. Get hooked up for my daily monitoring. Shift and try to get comfortable with all the cords. Stare at the contraction monitor and wonder why I can’t feel any of them. Pray. Shift. Count the flowers on the wallpaper. Drift off to sleep. Wake up when the nurse comes to turn off the monitor. Pee. Drink Water. Pray. Watch “Everybody Loves Raymond” in Spanish because I am that desperate for entertainment. Drink water. Shift. Stare at the clock. Daddy’s here with supper!!!! Pee. Sit up!! Eat yummy take-out. Lie down. Pee. Watch TV with Daddy. Shift. Pray. Watch Daddy make his fold out bed next to me like he does every night. Drink water. Take my Ambien. Pee. And fall into a peaceful sleep.  Every.  Day.

Every few days I get a real treat. I get to have an ultrasound and see you. All day, every day I have my hands on my belly talking to you and singing to you. I love the opportunity to actually see your little fingers and toes. Sometimes I promise it is like you are looking right at me. I can’t wait to finally hold you in my arms. But for now, Mommy is doing her best to keep you in her belly as long as I can so you can be healthy when I get to hold you.

Every day = 4 less in the NICU.  Every day = 4 less in the NICU.

All my love,

Mommy