Tag Archives: girlfriends

How We Are Ditching the Girl DRAMA

Posted in Daughters, friendship, Humor, inspiration, Kids Wisdom, Parenting, Steph by

Giggling. Dancing. Hugging. Singing Adele in 3 different keys. . .

And that is all in the first five minutes of my 9 year old daughter’s sleepover.

Then in the next 5 minutes. . .

Huffing. Puffing. Foot stomping. And of course….the dreaded eye roll.

GIRL DRAMA. As irrational as it is, it is totally natural. Or as my husband, Eric, insists when there are more than one females in a room together…it is inevitable.  😜

I LOVE that my daughter has found other strong girls with likewise strong personalities. I can’t wait to watch them grow up, take on this world and see what God has in store for them.

However, when they are young, sometimes they can trip over their big personalities and bruise some feelings on their way down. That is where us big girls who have been there and done that can help. We can’t totally ditch the Drama.  However, we can help our girls side step some of the theatrics and learn to face it head on when it can’t be avoided.

So this morning before our fruit, bacon and waffles, we had a Mama and girls pow wow. We brainstormed what we could do to take care of our friendships.

Here is what the girls pledged to Ditch the Girl Drama:

  • Be Kind.  Kindness comes from the heart; it is love in action.  I love my friends, so I Southern Lady-8will treat them with love and respect.  But…
  • If I Get My Feelings Hurt, I Will Talk it Out With my Friend…Not Other Girls.  The best way I can deal with a situation is to go straight to my friend and talk to her about it.  Talking to someone else about it is just gossiping and may hurt someone else’s feelings.  Who knows?  Maybe I just misunderstood! But if not…
  • Ask for Forgiveness & Forgive Easily because…
  • I Understand We All Make Mistakes.  No one is perfect!  We all talk or act before we think sometimes. And then I will…
  • Learn From My Mistakes.  I love and respect my friends, so I will do my best to make better choices next time.  And, of course, I will. . .
  • ALWAYS Have My Friend’s Back!  Even though we decided to ditch the drama, there are girls that thrive on drama.  We will support and take care of each other.  Always.

As I type this, they are again giggling, singing and dancing to JT.

Funny. I plan on doing that very same thing this weekend on my Girls Weekend with my girlfriends of over 20 years.

I pray these sweet girls will be doing the same with each other in 2036.

the girls

 

9 Ways to Help Your Infertile Friend

Posted in Faith, friendship, Infertility, inspiration, Prayer, Steph, The Book by

9 ways to help your if friend

Whether you know it or not, someone you love is battling infertility. Although 1 in 8 couples are infertile, it is rarely talked about and often misunderstood.

With Mother’s Day around the corner, it reminds me of a time that this holiday brought a mixture of pain and dying hope to me. Would I ever be able to celebrate Mother’s Day like all my friends? Would I be given looks or pity or just ignored all together this year? What were the chances that I would be pregnant by next Mother’s Day? Any chance at all? Would I ever be a Mother?

After writing my book, “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived Infertility… Twice,” I have been asked many times about how to best support someone dealing with Infertility. As with most people hurting, I think it is good to offer specific help instead of “Let me know if I can do anything” because let me tell you – – she won’t.

Here are 9 ways you can help your Infertile Friend:

  1. Acknowledge that her pain is REAL. Studies have shown that the level of anxiety and stress that an infertile woman goes through is equivalent to someone dealing with cancer. Her infertility is never far from her mind. It is ever-present.
  2. Listen to her. There are no magical answers. Sometimes she may just need to cry and get her frustrations out. A shoulder to cry on is a tremendous blessing.
  3. Although well intended, most advice offered to Infertile women is actually more harmful than helpful. Erase these things from your vocabulary:
    • “How are you?” unless a) you are really ready to listen and b) you aren’t in a big group and putting her on the spot.
    • Anything that starts with “at least”. That just belittles her feelings.
    • “Just relax! It is because you are stressing yourself out!” Have you ever stressed about trying not to be stressed? She has and it doesn’t help to be lectured about it.
    • “You should just adopt and then you will get pregnant!” No one “just” adopts.  That is a huge personal decision.
    • “You just need to lose weight!” or “You are just exercising too much!” They are getting the medical advice they need from their doctors.
    • Or the worst that I have heard countless times… “I wish I had that problem! My husband just has to look at me and I get pregnant!” Does that really need an explanation??
  4. Be thoughtful about pregnancy announcements. Although it is wonderful news, it is a reminder to her about what she doesn’t have. Don’t tell her in a big group where she will have to process it in the midst of a crowd while trying to keep control of her emotions. But make sure you tell her. My feelings were hurt terribly when I found out once that everyone knew about a friend’s pregnancy and no one wanted to tell me.
  5. Give her a free pass to miss baby showers or children’s birthday parties. They simply are just too painful. Offer to give a gift together and take care of the shopping and wrapping.
  6. Shower her with mementos that let her know that you are thinking of her and love her. Cards, flowers with encouraging scriptures are always appreciated. One of my favorite gifts I got when going through IVF was a nightgown from Soma that was in their Cool Night collections. Many drugs that infertile women take cause hot flashes making sleep elusive. The nightgown was such a thoughtful yet practical gift. If she travels for treatments, a gas card or restaurant card would be helpful. Fertility treatments are extremely expensive.
  7. Take her out for a night on the town. Go to a concert. Go to a Karaoke bar. Go dancing. Just enjoy a night with lots of silliness and giggles. Remind her that there is a lot more to her than not being a mother.
  8. If she is dealing with Secondary Infertility (someone who has had a child and is now dealing with Infertility), she could use help with childcare. There are gazillion doctor appointments for ultrasounds, blood work, and various other things. Most of these doctor offices will not even allow children to come.
  9. Pray for her. This is the single most important thing you can do for her. She needs to be bathed in prayer. Aside from the obvious prayer for her to get pregnant, you can also pray for:
    • Peace
    • Patience
    • Clarity as she faces so many decisions on her Infertility journey
    • Her husband and their marriage because Infertility is a huge strain on a marriage
    • Other friends and family members to be sensitive to her needs

Infertility can be a wedge driven between friends, and over time, it pushes them further and further apart. My prayer for you is that instead it is an opportunity to show love and draws you into a more deep and true friendship.

Stephanie Greer is the author of “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived Infertility … Twice.” To get your copy of her book, go to: http://www.amazon.com/dp/1503370879

 

 

That Phase of Friendship I Wasn’t Ready For

Posted in Cancer, Faith, Infertility, inspiration, Prayer, Steph by

It started with a bunch of giggling girls putting on make-up, sipping from Red Solo cups while ready for a night on the town. Our friendship was formed through fun and blowing off steam in college.

Then we took turns throwing bridal showers, bachelorette parties, donning bridesmaid dresses and walking down the aisle. Our friendship was strengthened as we grew from girl to woman to wife.

Our friendship was strained a bit as we struggled to find the balance of marital bliss and maintaining friendships. The strong, true friends grew even closer.

Before we knew it, we were taking turns throwing baby showers. We rocked babies and shared new mama advice. We cried tears of sadness for those of us that struggled to get pregnant. Our friendship was nurtured as we cared for each other.

Careers and life Girls Trip!has spread us across the country, but we keep in touch almost daily through texts. And one glorious weekend each summer, we get together. We are once again a bunch of giggling girls only with a few well-earned laugh lines.

Now we are in a phase that we weren’t prepared to hit us so quickly. A time when instead of our texts being light hearted with private jokes and summer plans, they are filled with tears and requests for prayers. Almost half of our group of girlfriends are dealing with serious illnesses with our parents or in laws. As you get older, you know that you will have to deal with the natural progression of your parents aging, but I wasn’t ready to deal with it in my 30s.

Although I hate that we are faced with this phase already, I am so grateful for their friendship. We are all fortunate to have wonderful, loving, and supportive husbands. But sometimes you just need your girlfriends. Husbands have it engrained in them to be “fixers.” Unfortunately, there is no “fixing” this situation. Sometimes you just have to talk it out….cry it out…and even laugh.

That is why God gives us girlfriends.

Because my close friends, Jodi, Nancy and I are all facing similar battles with our loved ones, we are able to support each other unlike no other. Nancy and I sat on the phone last week and just cried together because we understood exactly what the other was feeling and because simply…we could. That is just what friends do. God works through Jodi to call or text just when I need that pick me up. I like to think He does that through me for her too. After years of friendship, we are so in tune with each other that we know when to reach out to each other despite the 1,000 miles that separates us. But most importantly, we pray for each other. We know the importance of prayer for the patient but also the family surrounding them.

Although I wasn’t ready for this phase of life or friendship, I am thankful for my girlfriends that help me get through it sane.

As I write this, I am listening to my own daughter giggle and sing as she and her friend, Bonney, are making a dance video. It makes me smile. I pray that Ella is blessed with girlfriends like mine that will be there for her through all the ups, downs, and phases of life