How Am I Still Standing?

God can open doors to new friendships when you least expect it. On the first day of Kindergarten, I was excited about the new friendships my children would make. I was pleasantly surprised when I made some new friendships of my own with their friend’s moms. One of my friends, Devon, and I have grown close over the last three years as our children have become quite the bosom buddies. She has held my hand and prayed for me during some of the most difficult times. I absolutely treasure her friendship.

This summer she encountered a crisis of her own that I was able to help pray through with her. She shared with me a blog that she wrote to help deal with her intense grief. I felt so blessed by her refreshing honesty and amazing faith. She bravely agreed to share her experience so that you too can be blessed.

Psalm 73:26  “My flesh and heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and portion forever.”

Life was going along swimmingly.  We had “survived” 3 surgeries in 2 months at the beginning of the school year, and we were coasting our way into summer. My husband, Tom, and I had been praying about putting our house on the market. Our prayer was quickly answered by a couple wanting to buy our house before it was even listed!

Excellent, prayer request answered!

We found a house to buy with all of our wish list items and were able to close and get some work done before we even moved in.

Fantastic, prayer request answered!  

As the school year came to a close, we prepared to move again (for the 7th time in our marriage!). I had no stress about it; we had moved so many times I felt like a pro!

You know, there is a list of “Top Stressors in Life.” Moving is #3.

Well that’s when life got interesting.  On top of moving, I was planning a big birthday celebration for Tom. We had family and friends coming in from out of town.  That by itself was not stressful.  However, add moving two weeks before said friends arrive….it becomes somewhat stressful.

On June 2nd, three days after moving in, my dear friend, Melissa, took my three kids for the morning. I desperately needed some uninterrupted time to tackle my to-do list!

Great, prayer request for time to get things done!  Answered!!!

Then the bottom dropped out of my little world that I felt so in control of.  I returned home to find my parents at my

Devon & Her Cousin

Devon & Her Cousin

house with awful news that my cousin, who was four years younger than me, had been murdered.  Yes, murdered.   I am thankful in hindsight that my kids were not home to see the reaction I had.

An instant shattering of ones heart is not a pleasant thing to witness.

Remember that list of “Top Stressors in Life??” Death of a loved one is #1 on that list.

Over the next two weeks I had to function like a normal person, unable to grieve freely.  I had three young kids at home, a party to plan, and boxes to unpack.   Through it all I would lay awake at night and I just kept thinking, how am I still standing?  How am I moving through each day in one piece?

And I heard this still small voice saying, “I am the One that sustains you.”

I knew this.  The funny thing was…I hadn’t asked for God’s strength.  In fact, I hadn’t been talking to God at all.  I tried, but I just didn’t have any words to say. He was the one keeping me upright, keeping my path straight, sustaining me, giving me grace for each day, and I didn’t even have to ask.   What an amazing thought!   God knows what we need even when we don’t know what we need.  His loving kindness never fails!

1 Peter 5:7  “Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you.”

Psalm 34:18  “God is near to the broken hearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

I don’t know if you are in a season of busyness, stress, or grieving. Or all three!

But I do know that if you are exhausted, Jesus gets it.

If you are overwhelmed, Jesus gets it. 

And if you are angry and life seems unfair, HE GETS IT!

Psalm 121: 1-2 “I lift my eyes up to the mountains; From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, Who made heaven and earth.”

I also know that there are some things we experience in this life that we will NOT get answers to this side of heaven. That is a hard truth.

We can find hope and peace when we accept that our “whys” rest on the God who knows the beginning and the end.  And His way is perfect.

1 Corinthians 13:12  “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I shall know fully just as I also have been fully known.”

How inspiring to be able to find solace in Jesus’ arms and to be reminded of His faithfulness in such a tragic situation.  If you would like to contact Devon, her email is

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