The GRINCH Who Hated Football

The Grinch Who Hated FootballI am not sure if my youngest, Matthew, is actually related to me. I mean I look at him and see that he is the perfect combination of Eric and me, but there is something that is just off about him.

He hates football. Seriously. Hates it. He can’t honestly be a Greer and hate football. I mean it is our family tradition.

We can usually convince him to go to the first few games, but I never make it to a game past mid-October. Eric still goes with Ethan and Ella rallies sometimes too. I stay home with the Grinch who hates football.

Yesterday on the way home from our trip, I asked Matthew why he hated football. Without skipping a beat he growled (just like the Grinch)… 

When they get in the stadium it is filled with that

Noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise!

Then they Feast!

Feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!

They feast on popcorn and nachos and hot dogs

And they Sing!

Sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!

They Sing Rocky Top every time they score!

I cannot take it any more!!!

 Drop the freakin mic.

I am just passing the MacBook on to him.

Peace Out.

Black Friday PERFECTED

I have done the “Black Friday” experience a number of different ways, but this year I freakin NAILED it.

A couple of years ago, my sister in law had the “iPad Christmas” for her triplets.  Obviously, that mandated a late night Wal-Mart run in order to save literally hundreds of dollars.  And we had a blast.  Our husbands came too and it was like the most hysterical, entertaining, pitiful double date.  And I didn’t even have to get dressed up.  We plotted and strategized.  Drank caffeine way too late.  Found the Blu-Ray player I didn’t even realize I HAD to have.  Made friends with complete strangers in line. Searched for the ever-elusive $3.99 chopper for Nana.  Combed through $5 DVDs that we would never watch.  Sent the boys to investigate when we heard there was a fight over a basketball goal.  But the bottom line was even though our goal was to get gifts for kids…there were none in sight.  Holla!

This year that was no big item that necessitated Wal-Mart crazy.  There is one thing on my kids’ list that was $50 off.  After thinking about it, we decided we would pay $50 to have a chill Thanksgiving night. Since I was sawin’ logs before 10:00, that was a solid choice.

Southern Lady-6Our Black Friday morning tradition is to go to the town square in Eric’s home town, Paris, TN, to see Santa come to town in the fire engine.  How many more years will our kids be excited to do this???  “Santa is coming!!!” (You have to read this like Buddy the elf).  We saw Santa come in and even got a hug from Mrs. Claus.  Afterwards, we went and shopped at some local businesses that were full of Christmas cheer.  My favorite, of course, is “My Favorite Things,” were Nana works.  It is such a cute shop with tons of character and is filled with lots of things that could become my next favorite thing 😉

We went home to have a plate of leftovers even though we were no where near hungry…because I will have to wait a whole other year to eat Thanksgiving food again, so why not??!!   We packed up our stuff ready to head back home to Nashville.

As soon as we got home and got everyone squared away, I headed out to do my Black Friday shopping…a full 24 hours past the official start.  And friends, after 6 days of non-stop family, I was seriously needing some Steph Time.  I love my family; there isn’t a single one that I don’t love to freakin pieces.  But sometimes it is nice to just not have to talk.  Just have peace and quiet.

So naturally I went to my zen place – Target.  I pulled into the parking lot with my list and nearly got a front row Joe parking spot.  Score.  Sure I had to flick some stale popcorn from the bottom of the cart, but there were plenty of carts to choose from.  Score.  Found my 7′ un-lit tree (because I have sworn off pre-lit trees because the lights always go out and look janky)  Score.  Got all our super cute clothes on sale for our angel.  Score.  Scanned, bagged, and paid for with my Red Card in less than an hour.  Score.  And I figure since a lot of the DVDs and Door Buster things that I would have just thrown in my cart were gone, I actually came out ahead savings wise!  SCORE!!

So I think I have this Black Friday thing figured out.  (For me anyway).  Enjoy Thanksgiving and Friday morning.  Let the crazies get off the road and out of the stores 😉  Then the world (or Target) is your oyster.  At least until we have the “iPad Christmas.”  Although, Mama doesn’t even have an iPad yet, so we have some time yet 😉

So tonight I can relax with a glass of Chardonnay, while I watch my husband put up my new tree and string the lights.  (Because he won’t let you touch the tree or lights because I may have strung them one year and it looked janky, so I lost Christmas tree privileges.  Really who is the winner now??? 😉  Score.

How I Talked To My Kids About PARIS

How I talked to my kids about Paris picSometimes I would like to place my family in a big, ole bubble. Safe from sadness…pain…fear…harm.

Unfortunately, that utopia is not the world we live in today.

I admit I try to create my own pseudo bubble. I rarely watch the news for two reasons. I never know what atrocity may be covered that I don’t want my kids to see. Secondly, I want to block out the evil in this world for myself too.

On Friday evening, we were loaded up headed to dinner as a family when I was scrolling though Facebook and saw some references to Paris. I glanced back at the kids who were chatting away and whispered to Eric, “What happened in Paris?” The details were still coming in, but what I heard was horrifying. We got to the restaurant and were surrounded by ten TVs. Nine of them had basketball and one had news coverage of the attacks in Paris. I silently willed Ethan’s eyes to stay trained on the Kentucky basketball game inside our bubble and away from the news channel.

After we put the kids to bed, we turned on the TV news to get caught up on what was going on in Paris. It was heartbreaking to see all these innocent people terrorized and killed. It was apparent that it was an orchestrated terrorist attack on the people. We watched until one channel showed a particularly gruesome scene from one of the cafes. The commentator proudly boasted that they only showed this picture once an hour, left the image on the screen a few more moments than was appropriate, and then left it on even longer.

I decided I had enough and went to bed to pray for Paris, to pray for the world leaders, and especially to pray for my children and this world in which we are rearing them.

We are at a point where the bubble has burst. I knew I had to talk to my children about the tragedy and what it means to us. I have twins that are nine and a seven year old. It is not a conversation that is easy to have with kids, but I felt like they were old enough that I could have an age-appropriate conversation with them. Because here’s the deal: If I don’t take charge and talk to them about it, they will hear about it from somewhere else. It is my responsibility to make sure that they hear about the scary things in this world from me so that I can reassure them.

I sat them down on Saturday and told them the high points about what happened in Paris. I didn’t go into a lot of details, but I let them know the truth. I told them that a group of radical Islamic people attacked and killed innocent people in Paris. We had talked about radical Islam before when they learned about September 11th. We also spent a lot of time talking about the difference of the majority of peaceful Muslims, like some of their friends at school, and radical Islam. My German teacher in high school, Frau Colley, used to always say, “All generalizations are false,” before she told us anything about the culture. That has stuck with me. I have also passed it on to my children. I am a Baptist and worship a loving, forgiving God. I would hate if I were lumped in with a well-known group of detestable Baptists.

However, I did let them know that there is a group of hateful people that make it their mission to terrorize people. They do not worship God like we do. They do not know peace and love. They have a very twisted and evil form of their own religion that is based on hate.

I also reassured them. Granted we do not know what the future brings, and we can speculate all we want about radical Islam infiltrating our country. But that is nowhere near appropriate to discuss with my children. This is my job: to assure them that Mama and Daddy will keep them safe, and to emphasize that the police officers and soldiers that we just celebrated on Veteran’s Day make it their life’s mission to keep them safe. They are learning about government in their Social Studies classes. We talked about the importance of electing politicians that will keep them safe. And the most important thing that they can do is to pray. We can pray to God to watch over us, our police, our armed forces, and our world leaders to help keep our children safe.

In addition, I understand that all families will choose differently about how they address or not address the current events. For that reason, I also told them that they were not to discuss it at school or with their friends. As is my normal rule, they will never get in trouble if they come directly to their dad or me to talk about anything that they hear at school that upsets them, they don’t understand, or that just doesn’t sit right with them. However, if they talk to their siblings or friends about it, there will be consequences. They know and feel comfortable enough to always come to us first.

The bubble has burst y’all. I am going to educate my children. I will support my law enforcement and armed forces. I will pray for the world leaders and educate myself before I vote in the next election so that I do my part to keep my babies safe. 

I will do all these things while knowing in my heart, “The Lord is our refuge and our strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…” Psalm 46: 1-2a (NKJ)

Sometimes You Gotta Hit a WALL

Sometimes You Gotta Hit The Wall

Hey. It’s me. Steph? The Southern Lady Mama? Remember me?

Whew. Good. Sorry it has been a while. I had to peel myself off of the wall that I hit last week 😉

Last week was cra-zy. Some good crazy. Some bad crazy.

I am fortunate enough to spend a good bit of my free time volunteering at my kids’ school. Last week was Book Fair, and I am Scholastic MONSTER Book Fair at LESon the committee that runs the show. It is incredibly fun and extremely rewarding. We sold almost $30,000 in books in five days. That’s HUGE! It was fun to be part of, but at the end of the day, I looked forward to my heating pad and a glass (or 2) of Chardonnay. In the midst of that, we had a health scare with both my uncle and my dad. Needless to say, there were some sleepless nights, tears shed, and numerous prayers said.

When we finally closed down the book fair on Friday afternoon, I had another big event on my calendar. 20 Brownies camping at my house the next day. And I hadn’t cleaned a lick all week. And Eric, my husband, was leaving to go out of town for a much needed guys weekend. And I have never started a fire by myself. And I have never pitched a tent. And I had a solid foot of leaves on my back deck. And I really wanted to shove the 4 pages of directions that Eric left for the tent and leaf blower up his nose. Can you feel my anxiety level rising?

Saturday morning I pulled out the tent and the 4 pages of directions (complete with diagrams) and tried to tackle pitching my first tent in all my 38 years. Ella “helped” me by swinging on the tree branch and running and catching pages when the wind caught them. At one point when the $%## pole went the wrong way for the 10th time, she said, “It’s no use. We can’t do it without Daddy’s help.” That made me even more determined to get it up. I made her help me more and after another painful 20 minutes, we got the tent up. I asked her what she learned and she answered, “That you can say the ‘s’ word and I can get away with saying ‘crap’ when we are pitching a tent!” #Truth However, I was thinking more along the lines of us putting our minds to something, perseverance, determination. But no, she gets the free pass on a foul mouth.

Ella and I tentWhat she did get from her Brownie campout was a great lesson about friendship. They played games. They just ran around and were silly. They told stories around the campfire that I started!!!! (Where’s my badge!!??) They wrote poems for each other. They had a dance party. The moms even Whip Whip Ney Neyed for the girls. (To which Ella quickly told me, “I would rather not see that again.”) They made smores and drank hot chocolate. They made memories that would last a lifetime.

The ultimate compliment was when one of the Brownies asked if she could come camp out at our house again next week J

So while I look at the last week where I literally ran myself ragged, I am just so thankful that I can. I am thankful for my uncle and dad’s health, which I was reminded this week, can turn on a dime. We cannot take it for granted for one second. I am thankful that Eric is supportive of me “working” full time and not earning a cent. I am thankful that I can use some of my talents at my kids’ school. I am thankful that I didn’t miss a second of the excitement of the book fair. It won’t be long before kids will be ashamed to be so openly excited about books. I am thankful for a home that my daughter’s friends want to come back to again and again. I am thankful that my daughter is making friends and memories that will last a lifetime and that she wants me to be a part of it. I am thankful that I am making new friends through the other mamas because this Mama thing is tough and we need each other,

And I was very thankful for my fuzzy blanket, comfy chair and Kindle coma day that I had on Sunday (and maybe part of Monday) to recuperate.

VOL FOR LIFE Lessons

Love. Math Skills. Patience. And UT Football. These are the things my husband, Eric, brings to the parenting table. I admit when I started dating Eric at the University of Tennessee, I wasn’t a huge football fan. I went to the games, but I really only cared about if we won because that would dictate how fun the parties would be that night. Fortunately, we had a full nine months of dating before the season started so that he could bring me around.

Little did I know that his (and now my) love of UT Football would be a cornucopia of life lessons for our children. 

Vol For Life LessonsHere are 7 Vol For Life lessons for my kids:

  1. Tradition is important. UT Football isn’t just a game. It is a TRADITION. I married into a family that is steeped in this tradition. If it is a Saturday and the Vols are playing, you are there cheering until you are hoarse the next day. We planned our wedding around the school calendar for the teachers, the harvest for the farmers, and the UT football schedule for the inlaws. Our Saturdays in the fall are reserved for the Orange, White, and Family. Watching and cheering on the Vols has given an opportunity for our oldest son, Ethan, to have a special bond with not only his Daddy but his Papa too. He loves to watch the game and ask a million questions so that he knows the ins and outs of how the game is played. UT football is a tradition for our whole family that will last a lifetime. Whether we win or lose, we don’t lose our tradition.
  2. My All.  We give our all for Tennessee. We don’t just roll into the parking lot right before the game. No. We warm up with a big tailgate. Make a mad dash to Peyton Manning Pass for the Vol Walk. Watching Ethan’s excitement as he brushes fingers with Coach Jones and all the players he idolizes on the field makes the huge crowd worth it. We tear up as we sing the alma mater, nearly come out of our skin with excitement as we watch the Pride of the Southland Band form the Power T, cheer wildly when we see the team storm through the T, sing Rocky Top at the top of our lungs, devour Touchdown Dogs, and third down for what like no one’s business. And we don’t just do this for the “big” games. Every. Dang. Game. And that is what you gotta do in life. You can do it halfway just to get through or give it your all and really live.
  3. Teachable Moments. Sometimes when you are giving it your all, you encounter people who take a whole different meaning to that saying. The week before the first game this season I had been talking to the kids about alcohol. I was trying to explain to them that when you had too much, it would cause you to make bad choices. When we were tailgating at Nissan Stadium, Ethan and I witness a man who was stumbling around and singing “Rocky Top” at the top of his lungs up and down the parking lot. At 10 a.m. I looked at Ethan and said, “Son, you remember when I said too much alcohol can cause you to make bad choices?” He answered, “Yea. You mean you can act a fool.” Bingo. Bless that man. I am sure he thought he was giving his all for Tennessee, but I am fairly certain he wasn’t standing by the time the game started four hours later. All kinds of lessons of what to do and not to do at games.
  4. Celebrate the wins. I was spoiled when I was a student at The University of Tennessee in the late 90s. We were on a great winning streak. We expected to win. We haven’t had a season like that in Ethan’s lifetime. Ethan was the only one in the family that could make the Georgia game because of other commitments we couldn’t get out of. It’s ok. He didn’t need us. He just met his Papa at a Truck Stop off the interstate and rolled on to Rocky Top without us. I was so glad he was there to experience that win. I had tears rolling down my face when I saw the players sitting on the wall in the end zone with the fans. They deserved that win and were basking in its glory. When I finally talked to Ethan a few hours later, I could still hear the excitement in his voice. It is important to take the time to celebrate the good times.
  5. Don’t let Defeat defeat you. Ah, there is always that other side of the coin. And unfortunately, we have had more experience with this side than we would like. That is the way life is though. Sometimes we work our butts off, think everything is going to go our way, and fail. And it sucks. And sometimes it isn’t fair. It is a really hard concept for a 9-year old boy (or even a 37-year old man). We can get mad when things don’t go our way. Sulk. Hang our head in defeat. Get ready to just throw all our plans out the window. And sometimes you do have to get your mad out. Last week after the loss to Bama, Ethan was heartbroken and spittin’ mad. We gave him some alone time. When that wasn’t enough, we had him run some laps around the house. Then my husband gave him a stick and told him to go hit a tree. (Laisseze Faire parenting at its finest 😉 After all that is said and done, we have to dust ourselves off, learn from our mistakes, and prepare for next week. But back to #1. Tradition. You don’t turn your back on your team.
  6. No one is perfect. There are eleven players…people…humans that are on the field. Not a one of them are perfect, but we expect them to never make a mistake. Every kick that is missed…reception that is dropped…ball that is fumbled. No one wants that play to be executed perfectly more than that player. And that player? I will blink and Ethan will be the same age as him. They are still kids growing into men with the pressure that I could not even begin to understand. They are going to make mistakes because they are human. The key will be for them to learn from the mistakes and practice to improve just like in real life. And we have to learn to not be so hard on others.
  7. It’s all about CHARACTER. Ethan has no less than six Peyton Manning jerseys (UT, Colts & Broncos, of course). Sure he is an amazing athlete, but he is an even more phenomenal man of character. I am proud to see Ethan wear his number on his chest. I gladly plastered a Fathead of Peyton on his bedroom walls. I am thankful for players like Joshua Dobbs who works his tail off on the field and in the classroom. Oh how he wishes he could have a Dobbs jersey!! Darn NCAA rules!! 😉

So now we are faced with a real grown up sized problem. The next game is Saturday night…in Lexington…on Halloween. It was a time of serious contemplation in our house. Travel 3.5 hours to Lexington to cheer on the Vols? Or Trick or Treat.

Dun Dun Dun!!!!!

Agony. Tears. Then…free candy won out. That is the great thing about tradition, we have a lifetime to cheer on the VOLS. But I am on borrowed time of having kids who still want to be kids.

And Ethan is dressing up as his other fav – Jalen Hurd.

Growing a #VFL

How Michael Myers Helped Me Through a Hard Time

How Michael Myers Helped Me Through a Tough TimeNothing like a good old Halloween marathon to make me nostalgic for my days with newborn babies.

Wait. What? How does Michael Myyers make you think fondly of sweet babies??

You see when I was younger I loved me a good horror movie. The scarier, the better in my opinion. I watched that majority of it through my hands or a blanket up to my face, but I still loved it. I loved to scream at the idiot, half dressed girl, “Don’t go in there!!!” I loved to jump and scream even if I knew it was coming. I laughed and laughed at myself for being so scared. And I always liked being surprised when there was a twist in the story.  “I did NOT see that coming!!”

Eventually, I grew out of my scary movie phase. Maybe it was because I had an Ethan, Ella, and Matthew to keep me up at night. I certainly didn’t need a Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, or Leatherface to keep me up at night too. Or maybe it was just that I saw Saw. Ha ha ha ha. Saw Saw. But seriously, Saw is the scariest movie I have ever seen. Now I can’t even watch a commercial for Annabelle without losing sleep.

But I digress.

I will always get a smile on my face anytime I see a Halloween marathon on TV. You see back in October of 2006, I had 2 sweet babies that I had to leave behind in the NICU. Unlike most new mamas, I couldn’t rock my sweet babies in the middle of the night. I had to leave my heart in the NICU 20 miles away.

But there was one thing I could do. I would set my alarm for every 2 – 3 hours, and I would pump breast milk that would help my very frail babies grow strong. As you could imagine, it was exhausting to pump so often around the clock. I would wake up, call the NICU to check on the babies, then I would hook myself up to the pump like a cow. In order to keep myself awake and entertain myself, I would turn on the TV. Since it was late October, I could always count on AMC to have an all night Halloween marathon to watch. At my midnight pumping, I would watch Halloween. My next one I would catch the end of Halloween II. As the sun was starting to rise, I would catch part of Halloween IV. (It worked out well that I missed Halloween III because everyone knows that is the worst!!)

My poor husband, Eric, begged me after one night of Halloween marathon to please, please not watch Halloween at night anymore. He had nightmares and heard the theme all night in his sleep. Do do do do do do do do. After getting very little sleep myself, I only felt a little bad 😉

Thinking back, that was one of the hardest times of my life. I was exhausted. Between getting my strength back from being in the hospital for three months, to delivering twins, living in a NICU all day, and pumping around the clock; I was beaten down physically. Not to mention the emotional toll of everything! Being separated from my babies was agony.

But God. God helped me through the very difficult time. He helped me find humor in the midst of it. He healed my heart so when I think back to a time filled with Halloween and tears, I would only reminisce with a smile.

Maybe you are going through a Halloween time. Have faith and cling to God. Some day you will be able look back, hopefully, with a smile.

Two Hospitals in Three Hours – EEEKKS!!

Today we visited two hospitals in less than three hours.  EEEKKS!!

One visit was planned.  The other was…not.  Lemme explain.

Last weekend we had a combined birthday party for our three children.  They are all October babies, so we thought having a costume party would be a blast.  We decided that instead of asking for presents, we would ask for donations.  We asked the children to bring donations for the Centennial Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU).  We did this for several reasons:

1.  The Centennial NICU has a very special place in our hearts.  My twins were preemies and spent their first 5 weeks and 1 day of their life there.

2.  We thought it was important to teach our children the importance of charitable giving.

3.  We didn’t want any of the guests to feel like they needed to buy a present for all three of my kids.

4. We spoil them enough; my kids don’t need one more thing in their room!!

Today we loaded up 48 receiving blankets,12 bibs,12 onesies, 2, sleepers, 6 of the tiniest most precious pants, and over $100 in donations for the Centennial NICU.  The nurses were over the moon excited about the donations.  We even saw a nurse that was in the unit when Ethan and Ella was there, and she remembered them!

Southern Lady Mama - nicu donations

We had such a good conversation on the way home about how God wants us to show His love and help take care of His people.  They also had a lot of questions about my time in the hospital.  Ella asked me if I was scared.  I answered, “I was but God blessed me with such a peace that just isn’t possible without Him.  We had hundreds of people praying for me and you!”  It is amazing to me that God used this situation to not only strengthen my faith, but also as a way to teach my children about His love and faithfulness. They have a very real example about how your faith can give you peace in the worst of times.

We were home from the hospital for about ten minutes when my youngest, Matthew, hit his chin with his handlebars on his Razor scooter.  Hospital #2.  3 stitches.  It was a rather uneventful visit with the inevitable long doctor wait for the stitches.  After he had enough of the waiting, he started counting (quite loudly) “1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi,” then sighed loudly and exclaimed, “Oh for Pete’s Sake!  This is ridiculous!!  1 Texas, 2 Texas, 3 Texas….”all the way up to 100 Texas 🙂

I feel so blessed that God gave me these three babies to raise to love Him, care for His people, and for Pete’s Sake – laugh.  Like A lot.

Miracles Born – Book Excerpt from “Full Heart Empty Womb”

In case you missed the letters leading up to this, you can find them here,here, and here 🙂

Book Excerpt from “Full Heart Empty Womb”

October 17 – Welcome to the World

The next morning they had me attached to the fetal monitors for awhile. I was borderline delirious because I hadn’t had any real sleep in almost 48 hours. I was also still in an enormous amount of pain. Lying on my side for the monitoring was excruciating. They were starting to talk about delivering again because the babies were not responsive. There was a constant stream of tears running down my face. They still had a strong heartbeat but they were lethargic….much like their mommy.

My OB came in to visit me. She was immediately alarmed when she looked at me. I told her about the pain. She asked me if I minded if she checked me for dilation. She checked me and I was four centimeters dilated. It was finally time to have my babies. My tears of pain and agony turned to tears of relief and happiness.

We sprung into action again. The phone tree was activated. My dad had just gotten on a plane to Chicago so he boarded a plane home as soon as he landed. My sister, Amy, made plane reservations to fly down later that week. Everyone else hopped in the car to drive to Nashville.

Within no time at all, the anesthesiologist came to administer my spinal tap. I remember he kept trying to get me to hunch over a little more so he could get it in the right spot. I am pretty sure I had a smart aleck reply about not being able to hunch over much more with my huge belly!

I lay back in bed and waited for them to whisk me away to the operating room. Eric still paced the room with a crazy look in his eyes. He had been through the emotional and physical ringer the last couple of days too. He didn’t get much more sleep than me. I also cannot imagine how difficult it would be to watch someone you love go through so much pain and not be able to do anything about it.

I was wheeled into the operating room with happy tears running down the sides of my face. I had made it. Praise the Lord for giving me the strength to get through the last eleven weeks.

There was a crowd of about 20 people in there. There was my OB and her nurses. The NICU staff was there with an incubator ready to transport the babies to the NICU after delivery. I had also consented to have some nursing students come in to observe the delivery. I guess I was a good learning case for them!

At 11:07am Ethan Brent Greer was born weighing a hefty four pounds four ounces. One minute later Ella Bailey Greer was born weighing four pounds. I didn’t get to hold or kiss either of them. I got a quick look at them in the incubator. They each had a nurse who had them bagged and was helping them breathe. And just like that they were gone to the NICU. And I immediately passed out. My work was done.

Final Thoughts

People may hear about my difficulty getting pregnant with Ethan and Ella and think I was pushing fate when we decided to go through fertility treatments. Maybe God just didn’t want us to have babies. After hearing about my struggles to just stay pregnant, they may think that we were still pushing something that just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be parents. It was a very bumpy road getting to here. Aren’t most of the roads worth traveling anything but smooth?

Today Ethan and Ella are healthy, normal eight year olds. They just started second grade. They have already been a blessing to our lives and to so many others’ lives. I can look at them today and see the potential that they have. Ethan is a little math genius like his Daddy and that makes me so proud. But it is his caring heart that brings me to my knees. Every night he prays from his heart for several people. I listen to his heartfelt prayers and know that he is straight from God. He tells me he wants to be a doctor or go into the military. How many lives will my baby save because we were brave enough to fight for his?

Ella has a love for reading like her Mama. She is always asking for five more minutes with her book before bed. But it is her nurturing heart that brings tears to my eyes. Since she has been in preschool she has always had at least one special needs child in her class. Ella always gravitates to them. She never looks at them as different. She just wants to be their friend and help them. She tells me that she wants to be a teacher when she grows up. I can see her being a special education teacher like her Aunt Sharon. How many lives will she touch because we didn’t give up on hers? I also know without a doubt that she will be a wonderful mother. How many more generations of children will come from us because we didnt give up on our family?

Ethan and Ella then and now

God was at work in our very bumpy road. He never guaranteed us or anyone a smooth road to parenthood or anything else for that matter. This bumpy road taught me so many lessons that made me a better mom, wife, and daughter in Christ that I would never take for granted.

It is hard for me to read this and think this all happened nine years ago.  The memories are still so fresh.  Now the tears are happy.  Little did I know that this was just the start of my journey.  With my 20/20 rearview mirror vision, I am thankful for my very bumpy road and the ability it has given me to relate and encourage women.  If you know someone that is dealing with infertility or has in the past, please share “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived Infertility … Twice” with them.  It may be just the encouragement that they need on their very bumpy road.

“Today Should Be Your Birthday” Letters to Ethan & Ella – October 16th

In case you miss the first two letters, you can find them here and here.

October 16, 2006

Let Me OUTTA HEREDear Ethan and Ella,

I am trying so hard to stay strong for you. I didn’t sleep a wink last night because I was in so much pain. My nurse told me that it was her goal this shift to get me in the delivery room. I feel so conflicted. I am excited to finally meet you, but I know that you still need more time to develop and grow. But I am just in so much pain.  I am praying for strength.

I have a whole team of doctors that take care of me. They have one mission – keep me pregnant for as long as they can so that you can grow. They have hammered it into my head that every day that I stay pregnant is four less days that you will be in the NICU. The last eleven days I have been on an IV of a drug called Magnesium Sulfate to help slow the contractions. All the other drugs have lost their effectiveness. I thought I was on the highest dose. When the doctor came to see me this morning he increased my dose once again. I will not get to meet you today, and I am so sad.

I have never cried or complained to any of my doctors or nurses the whole time I have been here. Today I cried. I cried because I was disappointed. I cried because I was in so much pain. I cried because I was exhausted. I cried because I felt guilty. How selfish of me to want you to be born any sooner? I begged the doctor to at least give me something to settle my stomach and help me sleep.

Daddy didn’t even go to work today. He didn’t want to leave my side. I am so glad he stayed. Unfortunately the sleep meds didn’t work on me. Instead of making me sleep they just made me delirious. I would nod off for a minute then jolt up and feel like I had to go to the bathroom. By the afternoon I couldn’t even walk to the restroom without his help.

Four less days in the NICU…..Four less days in the NICU…..Four less days in the NICU….

Can’t wait to see you,

Mommy

Stay tuned tomorrow for an excerpt from “Full Heart Empty Womb: How I Survived Infertility … Twice” when Ethan and Ella were born 🙂

Letters to Ethan & Ella – October 15, 2006

If you missed the first letter to Ethan and Ella, check it out first 🙂

Nine Years Ago Today – October 15

October 15, 2006

Dear Ethan & Ella –

Steph in the hospital with her visitor – Majors!

The last few days have gotten harder on me. I am trying to remain strong. I have gotten more and more uncomfortable. I can only lie on my left and right side and that gets old 24 hours a day. But I will do it as long as I can! I made it to the 32-week mark, so now we are aiming for 34-weeks.

It is funny I have had the same nurses the whole time I have been in the hospital. They are now getting to the point of being surprised that I am still here after they come back from their days off. “You haven’t had those babies yet??!!” We are hanging tough, and they are all cheering for me.

Your Nana and Papa came and visited with us on their way home from Knoxville today. My back started to hurt more and more throughout the day. It got pretty tough to lie back with a smile on my face and act like I was okay. It was a brutal night. I feel like it was one giant constant contraction that never lets up. I wasn’t able to sleep more than a few minutes at a time and I am in so much pain that I have actually thrown up a few times. Your Daddy is starting to look a little freaked out and that is not easy to do!

I still love my Opals and the love they represent :)

I still love my Opals & the love they represent 

Daddy knew I needed some cheering up, so he gave me a present today. When I opened my gift bag, I found an opal necklace and earrings. Opal is the birthstone for October. It brought tears to my eyes. It cheered my up not only because they were pretty, but it was the message he was saying to me. My due date is in December, and we knew I would never make it that long. November is only 17 days away, but it feels like an eternity away. He was telling me that I have fought hard, and that it was ok to have you in October. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. I wouldn’t be letting him down if I couldn’t make it until November.

But I still have 16 days left in October. I will keep fighting as long as I can.

Every day = 4 less in the NICU. Every day = 4 less in the NICU.

Love you Babies,

Mommy