Category Archives: inspiration

Girls Night Out is Not Nice…It is Necessary!!!

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GNO is not just nice...it is NECESSARY
Feather Boas. Bride and Bridesmaid tshirts. Blinking tiaras. Plastic, tacky necklaces. Loud giggling women. The Bachelorette Party is the mother of all Girls Night Outs.

Somehow Nashville has become the Bachelorette Party destination in the South. Every weekend Broadway turns into a sea of Bachelorette gals ready to have a night to remember…or not 😉 Although you couldn’t pay me enough money to get in the midst of that crazy today, I thoroughly enjoyed it 13 years ago at my own Bachelorette Party!

My Girls Night Out has changed drastically since I got married and especially since I have had three kids. They are fewer and much further in between. In fact without a concerted effort, they could easily disappear all together.

I have come to realize that having a Girls Night Out is not just nice… it is necessary.

Sometimes you just need to take a night away from the responsibilities of your family and just be YOU. No one tugging on your shirt. No one asking for more milk right when you finally sit down. No one saying “Mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Maaaaaammmmaaaa!!!” until you turn around. No one who needs his food cut up.

You need a chance to get dressed with no spit up on your shirt. Maybe you will even wear a skirt because you won’t be sitting on the floor!! You deserve a night to be able to sit and finish a drink (or 2!) before the ice melts. You may even be able to have a conversation, and the only thing that interrupts is your laughter. You eat a meal that is hot, delicious, and not prepared by you. It is amazing how I can go from 10% battery to fully charged after a night out with my girlfriends.

Although I feel so blessed to me a mom, I admit it is stressful. No one told me that once I became a mom, I would instantly become vulnerable like I had never been before. Now there is a piece of my heart that is living outside of me. Sometimes that can be a bit overwhelming. My oldest son, Ethan, slept in this morning for the first time in forever. I actually stood outside his door at 7:45 contemplating if I should go in and put my finger under his nose to see if he was still breathing. Like seriously. I was so close to going in.

Being a mom can make you straight up crazy. Your husband doesn’t understand that, but your girlfriends do. You can talk about your crazy, laugh and realize that we are all crazy together. Even though we try hard to keep up this persona of the mom that has it all together, we are all a wreck sometimes. There is a comfort to hear that you aren’t the only one that struggles on occasion.

There are times when laughing through the stress isn’t going to cut it. Your girlfriends can also be a strong source of encouragement for you. I always talk to my husband, Eric, first. However, even he will admit, that there are times when he just doesn’t know what to say or do to help me.

When I was going through a particularly hard time a couple of years ago, it was my girlfriends that were the rays of sunshine that helped me through the day. A sweet card with a mason jar filled with chamomile tea left in my mailbox. A pretty bunch of daisies with an encouraging Bible verse left on my back porch. Praying with me on a bridge outside our kids’ gymnastics class. Seriously outside of a fictional romance novel, most men don’t do that kind of stuff. And those things are needed when times are tough!

All of these things encouraged me and reminded me that I had a whole support system. Sometimes you spend so much time inside the walls of your house with your immediate family that you forget that there are others who care for you too. Your girlfriends can help dry your tears (or let them all out when you really need a good cry!) or laugh until you forget what you were upset about.

God gave you your girlfriends for a reason. They can relate to you unlike anyone else. And like all blessings that God gives us, we should care for and nurture them. Sure texts and FB posts are nice, but just like any relationship, you have to invest a little time and effort.

Sometimes Girls Night Out isn’t a night out at all. I have a group of girlfriends from church that meet every other week after our kids go to sleep for Book Club at my house. We haven’t read a book in over a year, but we won’t stress about that 😉 As us Baptists say, we “fellowship.” Loosely translated: we meet, eat, chat, and “cackle like hyenas” as Eric describes it. Some of it is silly and frivolous, but it always ends with how we can support and pray for each other. We have become each others rock during the most trying times. I can look at each girl in our group and see how God brought us each together to support each other in our own unique way.

So we are all busy and getting a night out just isn’t in the cards. I also have girlfriends that I just meet and go on a walk with. Sometimes it is just us. Sometimes we watch our kids play while we circle the playground talking about life. You already know how refreshing I think a good walk is! The setting isn’t important. It is the time spent on the friendship.

As I have gotten older, I have learned that I would rather invest my time in a small group of good friends than spread myself thin among several shallow friendships.

My best friend, Jodi, lives way too far from me. I am in Tennessee and she is in the New York. Once a year she gets visits her parents in Kentucky. Yesterday I loaded up the kids and drove 4 hours to spend the day with her. It went entirely too quickly, but it was a blessed time. The rest of our crew from college is getting together this weekend for our annual girls weekend. I am missing it because I am traveling to the She Speaks Conference. It makes me sad I will miss this fun filled weekend, but I feel so blessed to know they will be praying for me and cheering me on from afar.  And I will laugh twice as hard next year to make up for it!!   😉

Girls Trip!

2014 Girls Trip. This photo was not at all staged 😉

So go ahead. Set a Date. Make it a reoccurring event on your iCal. And make spending time with your girlfriends a priority too. It isn’t just nice. It is NECESSARY.

My Epilogue

Posted in Infertility, inspiration, Steph by

My Epilogue - SLM

I absolutely love to read. My favorite thing in the whole world is my precious Kindle. It is loaded with hundreds of books that I use to escape for just a little while every night before bed.

I fell out of the habit of reading for pleasure when I was in college. I rediscovered it after I had my youngest child, Matthew. All of my friends were talking about this book about a couple and the boy was a vampire. (hey – no judgment!! You know you read it too!) Anyway I admit it. I read it and every other one in the saga within a month. Every three hours I would disappear in my room with Baby Matthew to nurse and read. Matthew gained about 5 pounds that month 😉

I have moved on from teenage vampires, but I do still enjoy a good love story.   And I don’t have a nursing baby to use as an excuse to have a quiet time to read. However, I do read for about an hour every night before bed. It is part of my Steph Time. Time just for me. 

This Spring I discovered a new author at the recommendation of my friend, Tara. It is an Austrailian author named, Liane Moriarty. Her first book that I read was The Husband’s Secret. There are a lot of things I like about it. It is told from different points of view. There are a few different story lines that run parallel and you aren’t quite sure how or when they will intersect. It is also so witty and will make you laugh…and even cry much to my chagrin.

But the thing I love the most of the book is the way it ends. Don’t worry I am not going to give anything away! It truly is one of my favorite Epilogues I have ever read. Instead of wrapping everything up real quick in a red bow with a wedding and/or a child born, it starts like this…. 

“There are so many secrets of our lives we’ll never know.”

Moriarty then proceeds to go through each of the characters and details how one changed choice or slightly altered circumstance could have drastically changed the outcome of their life and other people’s too. And we’ll never know.

Wow. Just Wow. Have you ever thought about that? What tragedy have we narrowly missed, yet we don’t even know it? Or conversely, what blessings have vanished before we even know of their possibility?

The car accident that was avoided because you lost your keys and were running 10 minutes late.

The breathtaking sunset you missed with your family because you were too busy trying to take the perfect family photo.

When I think about my life and Epilogue, I take comfort that someday all of those secrets will be brought to light. I often talk to my children about how wonderful Heaven will be. Usually it is after that have asked me a particularly difficult question, and I quickly refer them to Jesus. “Ask Him in Heaven! He will tell you!” Oh how busy they will keep Him! All joking aside, I do believe that we will be able to learn about things that we never could comprehend during our time here on Earth.

One time during my life that I really want to have a heart to heart with Jesus about is in 2013. It was when my husband, Eric, and I were going through fertility treatments. We had been extremely prayerful about each decision we made along the way, so we were confident we were in God’s will for our family. We had been cautiously optimistic that we were going to get pregnant. Why not? It was the direction that God was leading us, right? Even so, it was a long, hard, tear filled year for me.

After the second round of failed IVF and a surgery that left me without my fallopian tubes, the nail was in the proverbial coffin. The babies that I had loved and rocked in my dreams would never be. Why had God led us down this road only to be heartbroken?

I remember crying to my mom one day asking her to pray for me because I having such a hard time dealing with the anger and sadness I was feeling. Why didn’t God answer our prayers? She gently spoke to me. “Stephanie, you cannot see the whole story as God can. Perhaps He is saving you from even more pain down the road.”

I had never thought about that. What if I had gotten pregnant but it had ended in a miscarriage? Did God save me from that pain? Or the book that I have written about my battle with Infertility…I never would have felt led to share my story if I had a different ending. How many people am I helping by sharing my story? The horrible surgery I had to remove my fallopian tubes. Could that impact my health down the road? There are some studies that it reduces the risk of Ovarian Cancer. Could that have saved me for the children I have been blessed with?

The bottom line is that I can’t know the answers to everything this side of Heaven. I have to trust that God has written the best story for my life. He is the Author of my story. And I look forward to my book club with Him when I finally get to read my Epilogue.

Sunday I Was Overwhelmed. Friday I am FREE.

Posted in inspiration, Organization, Steph, The Book by

Sunday night I was completely overwhelmed about the prospect of writing a book proposal.  I wrote about it on Monday.  How was I going to be a good mama to my three kids and get done what I needed to? A walk outside and a prayer with God calmed my nerves and got me focused.

minions

I planned my days out to make sure the kids got 100% of my focus while we did something fun, but also scheduled time for me.  I took the kids to the zoo.  We went to the pool a few times.  Today we went to see “minions” (Four thumbs up by the way)  We had a great week.  Everyone had fun and everyone is worn out.

I also easily had the time to tackle my stuff.  Here I am five days later and I am DONE.  29 pages.  Single Spaced.  Times New Roman. 12 pt font.  Complete.  All three days earlier than my completion goal.  And I feel good.  I feel FREE.

So now the Southern Lady Mama and the Lady Dog (my writing buddy) have ordered the kids pizza and are enjoying a much deserved margarita!

SLM & Lady Dog

p.s.  Don’t mind the piles of laundry, dirty dishes, or dust bunnies that have taken residence in my house this week.  They just didn’t make the priority list this week.  And guess what??  Life.  Went.  On.

How Kicking My Diet Coke Addiction is My Summer #MamaWin

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How Kicking My Diet Coke Addiction is My Summer #MamaWin

Livin on Diet Coke and a Prayer.

That has been my motto for the last several years. Drinking a cold Diet Coke has almost felt like it is as vital to my morning routine as a morning prayer. I turn into Frank the Tank from the movie Old School when I take my first sip… “Once it hits your lips. Its sooo good!”

I fell into the habit/addiction by my circumstances. In 2006, I gave birth to twins after a long battle with Infertility. They were born 8 weeks premature after a high-risk pregnancy that landed me in the hospital on bed rest for 12 weeks.

Because they were preemies, I had to feed them around the clock every three hours. I would wake them up and feed them a bottle, which would typically take about 45 minutes because they were so weak. Clean Bottles.  Pump.  Clean Pump.  Finally, I would lay down to sleep for about an hour and a half. And that was if I was lucky enough to fall asleep quickly…which never happened for me!

So that is where my love affair with Diet Coke started. I was exhausted, desperately needed caffeine, and was not a coffee drinker. There were days that I felt like I needed an IV drip of that sweet, brown, bubbly goodness. And the fact that it had 0 Calories made me feel like I had 0 guilt as I was trying to shave off the baby lbs.

As the kids started sleeping through the night, it got a little better. However, I still clung to my morning Diet Coke. And of course my lunch Diet Coke. And sometimes if I really needed a pick me up, my “going to pick up the kids from school” Diet Coke. Oh I am salivating just as I type this. The best ones were when I swung by Sonic to get them. There is something about their cups and ice that makes everything taste better. I was rarely seen walking into work without a Diet Coke in my hand.

All that changed about a month ago. It wasn’t like a lightening bolt revelation for me. It was several things that worked together to help me break my Diet Coke addiction for good.

Pure Laziness. We got home from Vacation Bible School and were rushing to get lunch in our bellies. I opened the fridge. Empty Diet Coke carton. I ran down to our storage room where I keep the extras chanting please, please, please. Nada. It was absolutely pouring rain outside, and I knew there was no way I was taking three kids to the grocery store. I had given Diet Coke up a couple of stretches while I was going through fertility treatments. I survived then, so I thought why not try again? It had kind of been in the back of my head because…

Aspartame Makes You Turn Into a Zombie. Surely you have seen the countless articles, blog posts, etc recounting all of the possible effects of Aspartame on your body. I will be honest. I have purposely avoided reading most of them because I love Diet Coke. However, I have heard enough to think that there is something to it. No, I don’t think it will make me turn into a zombie, but I do agree that natural is definitely healthier. And then there’s…

Pure Vanity. I was a week away from going to the beach. What if eliminating Diet Coke would magically get rid of my mommy pooch? I already exercised regularly. And let’s face it…I am eating as healthy as I am every going to. I. Love. Food. What if I stopped drinking Diet Coke and that pooch instantly shrunk because I wasn’t all bloated and yucky (and all those things the articles claim that I didn’t’ read 😉 )  And I am known for …

Being Proactive. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me that their body changed once they turned 40, I could take my kids to Disney World. Maybe even fly. Maybe if I adopted some healthier habits now, 40 won’t hurt so much in a couple of years?? Better metabolism? Less Wrinkles? Worth a try!

But it really came down to the final two reasons for me:

Water, Water and more Water. Drinking water has always been a chore for me. I think it stems back to when I was in the hospital in pre-term labor. The nurses would push water on me to help control the contractions. I was just about to fall asleep and I would hear over my speaker, “Stephanie, we need you to drink some more water. We’re seeing too many contractions on the monitor.” Every day. 12 weeks. Soooo I got a little sick of water. Since I had my babies, I pretty much only drank water when I was exercising. Seriously there were days when I only consumed Diet Coke and Chardonnay. Picture of health right here.

As I have shared a few times, I got a Fitbit for my birthday. Honestly, this has been the best investment I have made in my health in a while. In addition to it encouraging more activity, it also helps me monitor my water consumption (or lack there of) on a daily basis. It became clear to me that there was no way for me to reach my daily water goal if I was nursing a Diet Coke every morning. The benefits to water consumption are proven. Why not choose a drink that actually helps my body instead of potentially hurting it? I am now easily able to reach my daily water goal by lunchtime.

Practice What I Preach. Here’s the bottom line. I am a mom. One of my biggest responsibilities is to raise my children to know how to take care of themselves. I stood at our kitchen island every morning. I piled their breakfast plates high with fresh fruit and filled their cups with cold 1% milk. I preached to them about eating healthy and making good choices. Then I popped open my Diet Coke. Granted I was eating a very healthy breakfast too, but I lost all credibility with the pop of the top of that silver can.

And that was it. When they were babies, they couldn’t really reason through things on their own. Now they are older and their beautiful brains are always ticking. “Why does she keep talking about healthy choices, and she is drinking a Diet Coke at 7:15 a.m.?” 

So here I am a month later and I have officially kicked my morning Diet Coke.

I am not gonna lie. I completely fell off the wagon when we were on vacation. My sister and I were at the grocery and there was a Diet Coke that said, “Have a Diet Coke with Stephanie”. I mean come on now!!! A girl can only take so much temptation!

I found my happy medium for two reasons. #1 – I gotta have caffeine some days, and I don’t drink coffee. #2 – I believe treats every now and then to help keep you on track and not give up completely.

So my after trying several different things, I stumbled upon Coke Life. I had seen it on FB from a friend that works foCoke Lifer Coke. It isa low calorie soft drink that uses natural sweeteners. It is the perfect treat to have in my fridge that I can indulge in on days that I need a little extra boost. Because the other thing I teach my kids is that occasional treats are great too!

As hard as kicking my Diet Coke addiction has been for me, it has been 100% worth it. It has given me an opportunity to really talk to my kids about making healthy choices about their diets and taking care of the bodies that God gave them. It also showed them that Mama is a work in progress and that is okay!

(p.s. if you see me with a white sonic cup every once in a while, don’t roll your eyes…nobody’s perfect)

Take a Walk

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Take A WalkDo you ever feel so overwhelmed that you can’t quite catch your breath?  That there aren’t enough hours in the day to get done what you need to do….never mind getting to those things that you just want to do.  It’s SUMMER, right?  There should be no stress in Summer!  It’s against the rules, right?

Well that is exactly the way I felt yesterday evening.  We spent a wonderful long weekend with my in laws celebrating 4th of July.  Despite the weather not quite cooperating, we had a great time with family.  We drove home yesterday after a big country breakfast, so we could get hopping on our to-do list at home.  Laundry, yard work, groceries, house cleaning.

As we drove home, I listened to a conference call about how to put together a book proposal for my book, “Full Heart Empty Womb:  How I Survived Infertility … Twice.”  I self published the book in December, but I am going to pitch it to several publishers at the end of the month when I go to the She Speaks conference.  Breathe Steph.  Breathe.  As I listened to this call, I was equal parts energized and stressed because I don’t have much time to put this together.  And this is HUGE.  This proposal is selling me and my life story.  By the time I hung up, I was ready to fire up my laptop and get to writing.  I had also been brainstorming another blog post that I was itching to get down.  My creative juices were ready to ooze.

However, my husband and I had that pesky to-do list.  Oh yeah.  And Three Kids.  So instead of writing, I grocery shopped so I could feed said kids.  Eric spent the entire day working on the yard.  Before I knew it, I was putting supper on the table and had not had a second to sit down much less write.

And I was cranky.  Oh so cranky.

Negative thoughts were swirling in my head:  When am I going to get to do not just what I want to do but what I need to do?  Tomorrow Eric will go to work and it will be me and the kids at home.  How am I supposed to get any writing done?  How come my wants are always the ones that get pushed aside?  I am always last place.  Maybe if I was actually making some money I would count.

Hello Pity Party of One.

So after I put dinner on the table, I asked Eric if he minded if I went on a walk.  Being a smart man and sensing my crankiness, he said, “Please do!”  So I took a deep breath and walked.  And I prayed.  I knew my attitude was negative and I hated it.  God helped me redirect my thoughts.  I am so thankful that Eric has such a good job that we can depend on.  I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with my children.  I am so thankful that my husband is so supportive of my writing.  I am so thankful for the best family in the world.  God, please help me prioritize my schedule.  I want to be a good mom and wife but also spend the time necessary with my writing.

And that was all that it took.  The remaining part of my walk, I planned out our Monday so that everyone’s needs were met.  Even Mine.  It is so easy to get overwhelmed and just get in a funk of “It is just too much!!!  What am I going to do?”  Or just get bitter about it.  In reality, you just gotta take a walk.

When I got back from the walk, I sat down with Eric and told him how I was feeling and about my walk.  I think it is really important to always be open with your spouse about your feelings.  How else will they know how you truly feel?

Isn’t it ironic that I am finally getting to sit down and write and I am not writing about the two things that I was burning to write about yesterday?  I thought this might be useful to one of you out there that was shaking their head “yes” to my first paragraph.  Go on.  Breathe.  Take a walk.  Breathe.  Say a prayer.  Breathe.  Get a Gameplan.  Breathe.  GO.

Morning “Run”

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"Morning Run"My husband, Eric, got me a fitbit for my birthday a few weeks ago.  It was the perfect gift for me.  I have always been a very active person and this has given me an extra motivation to push myself more.  It sits there on my left wrist taunting me with its blinking lights.  Get up and get more steps!  

It has also encouraged me to mix up my workout routine that I have had for the last several years.  As a result, I have started getting up with the sun to run.  (ok not necessarily run.  I walk.  But really fast and with some mama hills.  Running just sounds better.  I haven’t run a mile since high school when I had to for P.E.  If you see me run today, you better run girl.  There is likely a zombie after me and he will get me first because I am slow.)

Anywho, I have been really good about my morning routine.  I get up around 5 and go run 2-3 miles.  It has also helped me get back into a much needed routine.  My quiet time with God.  I spend the first 30 minutes or so praying.  Prayers of thanksgiving, for the needs of my loved ones and for myself easily fill up half an hour.  It is the perfect way to start the day off by getting myself in tune with God.

This week my family has been at the beach and I have continued with my new routine.  Go Me!  When you have the ocean and the sand as your backdrop, it isn’t hard to find motivation.  The first part of my prayer usually centers around just how awesome God is.  Nothing to do with me.  Just Him.  As I looked out at this amazing ocean and see the power and majestic waves crashing on the shore, it isn’t hard to see how awesome He is.  He created all of this.

As I looked out in the water, I saw a few dolphins swimming.  Every so often they would playfully bob out over the surface and give me a little show.  How loving is our God.  He not only made these amazing animals, He knew how much joy they would bring his children.  Think about the crazy things we do to make our babies smile and multiply that exponentially.  That is our God.

I ran further down the beach and saw the perfect unblemished conch shell in the surf.  I dove to get it for my sweet girl.  There were thousands of seashells scattered all over the beach.  None of them the same.  All of them different.  How creative is our God. He didn’t have to do that.  But our God isn’t just a utilitarian.  He is awesome.

Then those majestic waves grind up those beautiful shells to create the most beautiful sugar white beaches.  The sand would be a home for thousands of creatures He created.  But it would also bring much needed relaxation and pleasure to His children.  How caring is our God?

So as I wrap up my favorite week of the year, I will do it with a grateful heart to an awesome God who created this beautiful world for me…His child.

 

10 Ways I Can Help My Daughter Have the Confidence It Took Me 30 Years To Find

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10 Ways I can Help My Daughter Have Confidence It Took Me 30 Years to Find
Last week I celebrated my 38th birthday. It amazes me to think that not too long ago, I used to think being 38 was old. In reality, at 38, I finally feel comfortable in my skin. No, I am not talking about having the confidence to strut my stuff at the neighborhood swimming pool. After birthing 3 kids – 2 of them at the same time – I only got the confidence to venture into bikini territory last year… And it took a lot of inner pep talks…And if I have to walk more than three feet, you better believe I am reaching for the cover up!

No. My outer appearance is just a small portion of who I am. Unfortunately, as women, that tends to be what we struggle with the most. My 8-year old daughter, Ella, is just now starting to notice her appearance. Of course I want her to feel beautiful, but I want her to feel confident in all the many qualities that make her so special. 

Here are 10 ways I  can be intentional in my parenting, so  I can help my sweet girl gain some of the confidence that it took me 30 years to find:

  1. God’s Girl – Remind her that God created her just the way He wanted her to be. He knew exactly how to make the best Ella, and He does not make mistakes. “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14. That really should be enough said, but since we are human, there are numbers 2 – 10 😉
  2. Unique Girl – Embrace your differences and don’t be ashamed of them. Those differences are what make you unique! When I was little, I hated my freckles and would try to cover them up. Now that I am in my late 30s, I love that they make me look younger. My kids actually get excited when new freckles pop up in the summer because not everyone gets to have freckles. Within the last week, my face has sprouted at least 100 new freckles from our pool time. And I love every one.
  3. Healthy Girl – Teach her to take care of herself in a healthy way. I think this is so incredibly important as they are growing. Their little bodies are growing and changing so quickly. Often times they are growing at different rates than their friends. At such a young age, they are already hyper aware of being bigger or smaller than their peers. I encourage my kids to make healthy choices in terms of their nutrition and physical activity. I want them to grow to have a complete healthy lifestyle. They have balanced meals, are active, but look forward to treats too. I do not talk about dieting or weight. EVER.   I talk about being healthy, strong and taking care of the body that God gave them.
  4. Complete Girl. Build her confidence with praise about all aspects of her. We wonder why girls allow their confidence to be tied so closely to their appearance. Most likely because most of our compliments usually are geared towards that!   You look so pretty! I love your dress!! When they are kind to their siblings, recognize that. If they answer a question correctly, praise their intellect. If they use good manners, encourage them to continue. And absolutely tell her that you think she is the most beautiful girl in the world. She needs to hear that from you too. She needs praise about her total package!
  5. Daddy’s Girl – Fathers play a HUGE part in their daughter’s confidence today and for the rest of her life. My husband, Eric, is always a great example of how a gentleman treats a lady. Whether it is what she experiences first hand on their Daddy Daughter dates or what she observes in how he treats me, she will know how she should be respected. Eric’s greatest fear is that Ella will date a jerk.  Talk about a way to kill her confidence before she even finds it! If we show her and talk to her about how she deserves to be treated, then she will not settle for anything less. Just in case, Daddy has a shotgun and isn’t afraid to use it 😉
  6. Good Girls – It is so important for our daughters to have a good group of supportive friends. Since I am her social secretary, I can encourage friendships with girls that are kind and a positive influence. As much as I hope that Ella will always come to me when she is sad, I know she will talk to her friends too. She needs to have friends that will build her up, not knock her down to make them feel better about themselves. There is no room in my daughter’s life for mean girls.
  7. Independent Girl –  I taught two-year olds in preschool last year. At every parent teacher conference, I encouraged the parents to let their child do more on their own. Then I would go home and micromanage my own! I had to let her spread her wings too! She could do so much more than I was letting her do. When she tries something new and succeeds, the pride on her face is priceless. Yes! I can do that! Whether it is doing chores or helping fix dinner, they all give her a sense of accomplishment when she masters them. And even if it is something little like picking out her own clothes for school, she is fostering her own identity. (Even if she looks like Punky Brewster!)
  8. Persistent Girl – Try and Try Again. Encourage her to keep trying until she finds her unique talents. Maybe she will get lucky and find her niche right off the bat. Maybe she will go through 10 activities until she finds something that she feels good about. Maybe she won’t discover her talent and passion until she is 37 like me. Don’t let her give up trying.
  9. No Shame, Girl!! Sometimes we have to let them spread their little wings and let them fail. As a mom, this is probably the hardest thing because we want to help them succeed. However, sometimes getting knocked down is the best way to build confidence from within Knowing that life doesn’t end when she fails at something, will give her to confidence to try again.

All that being said, I am still a work in progress. I sat on a conference call last week in tears. It was to help me get prepared for upcoming appointment with book publishers, and I felt so overwhelmed…inadequate…not at all confident. I looked over at my notebook where I was brainstorming ideas for this post and thought, “Ha! What a joke. Why the hell am I writing about having confidence??” And then it hit me. Confidence isn’t just doing something that you know you can do. Confidence is having the courage to try knowing you may fail. 

So my last bullet point is this:

10.  Get Real Girl. Let your daughter see that you aren’t perfect and you have insecurities too.  However, you don’t let them rule you.  You face them head on through prayer and the support of your family and friends.  And even if you do fail, it isn’t the end of the world and you are gonna keep on trying.

Confident Girl

Happy Monday – Let’s Do SOMETHING!

Posted in inspiration, Kids Wisdom, Matthewism by

Every night after dinner, my family and I take the dog, Lady, for a walk. We walk around the neighborhood and talk about our days, tell jokes, and are often quizzed about anything and everything. Last night our six year old, Matthew, and I were walking hand in hand. As usual, he was quizzing me. Sometimes it is about things he learned in Kindergarten and some times it is about deep things. I often struggle to answer both!  I can’t remember all the word blend rules dang it!! “Mommy. Can you do nothing?” he asked. After a long, long day, I laughed and said, “Matthew, I could easily do nothing tonight!” He quickly corrected me and said, “No you couldn’t. Even if you were laying down you would be doing something.” “I suppose you are right, Matthew!” I agreed. Then he continued, “You see, God made us so that we had to be doing something all the time. So if you have to do something, then you better make it SOMETHING.”  He wiggled his eyes for emphasis 🙂

Do Something! I love how simply he sees things.

He is right. God made you to do something. Let’s make it something awesome today!